I Am Not The Girl You Propose To

I see that look in your eyes. It’s a softness that I’ve seen before. It’s that look that lets me know that your guard is down and you might have feelings for me. Or even more, you might think you love me. But I’m not the girl that you will propose to.

I am not the girl that you’ll take home to meet your parents. You will not get down on one knee for me or ask my dad’s permission to marry me. I am not going to wear that shiny rock on my finger. I’m not going to hold back sobs as I say “yes” because I’m not the girl that you will propose to.

I know in this moment you think I am. You think there isn’t anyone else in this world you’d rather share your life with. However, I see the subtle signs before you ever will. Right now, my quirks are endearing. It’s something you find cute and entertaining, but one day you’ll wake up and the endearment will be gone and annoyance will seep in. Suddenly all the things you love about me will become those that cause resentment. My moodiness will not be tolerated and my sudden bursts of clinginess will make you feel smothered. You’ll get tired and worn down and eventually see I’m not “the one”.

It’s in the in-between moments that you’ll see what I’m talking about. Not the loud shouting matches or the fights where you end up on the couch. No, those will not be the reason you walk away. You’ll walk away when you realize your thoughts no longer wander to me. You no longer get the warm fuzzies, and you certainly don’t think of me as “the one”. You will stare into the darkness thinking, “I need a change. This isn’t working. I need more.”

I’m not the girl that you propose to, but I am the girl that teaches you what you want out of life. This relationship will be the one that challenges you and changes you for the better. You’ll learn how to give and take, but also when to draw the line. When you walk away, you’ll learn how to do better—how to be better. This relationship will be bittersweet. It will be full of highs and lows. I might not be the girl that you propose to, but I will be the girl that teaches you how to love and accept love in return.