We met in college at a time when everything was beautifully real and confusing. I had always been pretty misunderstood by girls because I was very honest. Sometimes too honest. I also felt emotions deeply. Deeper than most people. We worked together. Neither of us liked each other at first. Little did we know, that a month later we would come to be so close. Inseparable.
You were the same as me. Just as confused and alone. We built each other up, and for that I thank you. You were my saving grace at the time. I spent many days and nights cooped up in my room constantly studying and doing homework. But you got me out of that. We would go to the mall or go eat or even just drive around and get lost.
We needed each other. I needed you to get me out of my self-isolation. You needed me to be there for you and encourage you. I talked you out of suicide. I convinced you to get help. I dropped my life for you. I put all of me into you. Because that’s what friends do. I encouraged you every single day for months. It was exhausting, but I knew that one day I would need you the way you needed me.
That day came in January when my long term ex-boyfriend came to work in the same building as us. I needed you to keep me strong so I wouldn’t fall for his charming smile and charisma again. You said you would be there for me. To keep me accountable.
Little did I know, that being there for me also meant being there for my ex. You two met for the first time and immediately you saw something in him that you had to have. I tried ignoring the rumors and the fact that you were both becoming so close. But it’s hard to ignore something that cuts so deep.
I fell back into isolation and you let me. I knew we could no longer continue our friendship when I was coming to his room to confess my unconditional love for him and I saw you in his bed.
Thank you for ruining our friendship because it has taught me so many lessons. I have learned to truly be happy with myself. I have learned that my worth is not found in you or him. It is found in Christ.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow in my relationship and love for my heavenly Father. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you forgiveness and love the way Christ shows us.
I am not bitter about your betrayal because I am so much happier now. I wake up knowing that God loves me and that I will be okay no matter what life brings.
I hope that one day you will find peace the way I did. I hope one day you will feel remorse for ruining our friendship and breaking me. And when that day comes, I hope you can forgive yourself.
Thank you for breaking me because it gave me the opportunity to put myself back together.