It’s only been a week since you decided you didn’t want to be a part of my life anymore. It’s ironic in a way because I think that’s how long it took me to fall in love with you.
I dreamt about that moment from the time I was little. When it finally came, it was nothing like what I built up in my mind. There weren’t fireworks, there wasn’t candle light, or music, or flowers. There were no fancy clothes, or romantic setting. There was just you and me, at my childhood home, you were getting ready to leave for work and I was wrapped around your leg like a child pretending I didn’t want you to. You stood me up, put both your hands on my shoulders and told me you loved me, and instead of breaking into hysterics because my wildest dreams had come true, I said nothing. We laughed about that for a very long time.
It hasn’t been that long since you ended our journey. So maybe I don’t even know what it is I’m trying to say yet. Maybe I don’t even have the right to try to put into words what’s going on in my head yet.
What I do know though, is that you broke my heart.
I believed in us, and I thought you did too. I believed it when you swore we were going to be okay. I believed it when you told me we had a future, when you told me there would never be anyone else, and that I was all you ever needed.
You broke my heart. You broke my heart into a million pieces. I’m lost, and numb, and not really sure what the difference between left and right, or up and down really is.
But do you want to know something?
You didn’t break me.
You broke my heart, but you didn’t break my spirit.
I’m hurt. I’m going to hurt, because you took six years of my life and threw it away like a bad lunch. You made me think that that six years meant something, but then in the end you couldn’t face me. You couldn’t be the man I thought you and look me in the eye and tell me it was over.
You were a coward.
You took the easy way out for you because you got to go back to work and avoid running into me.
In the end, though, I do want to thank you.
You gave me six wonderful years, because the truth is the good was amazing. Yes, the bad was just awful but the good was what I will hold onto. Because I don’t hate you. I’ve wished I could but I don’t. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Because I plan to do just that. I’m going to throw myself into it. What “It” is I really don’t know yet. But I’m going to do it. I’m going to live the life I want. It may be partly the life I wanted with you but I will learn how to live it without you because you didn’t break me, you just broke my heart.
So, maybe I should thank you for that. I’m a strong woman, so, I know I’m going to be okay. I’m going to hurt for a while, a very long while. But, I will be okay, because you didn’t break me.