1. The way I take my coffee. That sometimes even when it’s below 40 degrees outside, I still crave cold brew. The fact that I never make coffee at home anymore and I left the espresso machine in the recycling room of my apartment for someone else to claim.
2. How my bedroom looks these days. I got an entirely new bed. There are copper lights around the headboard because even though I’m on the sliding end of my twenties, I think I’ll always be 19 at heart.
3. What tattoos I have. Unless you’ve stalked me on Instagram. Have you stalked me on Instagram? In which case, you’ve probably seen the flowers for Grandma Ruby and North Dakota, the quote for Ari, the Norwegian for my Dad…among others.
4. What color my hair is. Although to be fair, I change it so often that’s pretty much the case for everyone.
5. The things I gave up to move to the city. Things like driving, running too late at night or too early in the morning, being able to hike whenever we want, mountain air, drives to the lake, familiarity, the ability to go somewhere and be the actual only human there, and being close to people I consider family.
6. The things I gained since moving to the city. Things like independence, a home that’s one part cluttered but all parts me, a career that’s unlike anything I saw for myself but now I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, a better understanding of who I am and how I want to express myself, and an affinity for cold brew that cannot be tamed.
7. How many people I’ve thought about loving since you. It’s not that many, but they were there, even if just for a little while.
8. Everyone who left after you. Either by their own choice or other circumstances. I’ve come to realize that goodbye doesn’t become easier, you just get better at dealing with the aftermath.
9. How I’ve started cooking more for myself. I’ve started this whole thing that pretty much everyone else was already doing but I pretended I was too busy for where after work I pour myself a glass of wine and actually make real food. I never really used to cook outside of special occasions, but now it’s my new normal. And it’s a normal that I’ve come to really appreciate.
10. I drink gin now. I used to say it smelled like PineSol and I wanted nothing to do with it. Now it’s the first thing I request when I’m out and the only liquor I keep in the house unless someone else is coming over.
11. The people who I call “my people” these days. You’ve never met Chrissy, Ari, or Katie, you’ve never even heard me talk about them. You don’t know Greg in the way that I’ve come to. There are all of these people in my who have nothing to do with the things I’ve left behind, who have nothing to do with who I used to be. And I think it’s a really important reminder that even when you doubt the ability to move on, the world doesn’t stop turning. Life will continue (and it did) without you.