Look. Let’s not beat around the bourdeaux.
If it were socially acceptable to list “drinking” as a hobby or past time, it would be at the top of my list. Some people kick-box, some people play video games, I drink. There’s nothing lovelier to me than spending an afternoon having some quality cocktails with my friends and enjoying each other’s company. It’s the undeniable best.
But here’s the thing about drinking that no one, including myself, likes to admit.
It can be ridiculously hard on your skin, your body, and your appearance.
But lucky for you, I’m not only a seasonsed drinker (truly! I’m drinking a Grenache from Domaine la Rocaliere right now that is 💯💯💯) I’m also a beauty hoarder. I know how to go out, howl at the moon, and wake up the next morning looking daisy fresh.
I’ve complied the best beauty products for those of us who know they deserve a fucking drink, and don’t feel bad about having one. Cheers, ya’ll.
Here’s the thing about Glossier: it’s worth the hype. Every product of theirs that I’ve tried has basically become a staple in my routine. Super Bounce is a serum that advertises itself as being ridiculously hydrating, and shit it lives up to the claim. Even if you’re going to be hungover, your skin doesn’t have to be. And with Super Bounce by your side, it will never feel like it. I just slather it on after getting all of makeup off and I never wake up the next morning with my pores feeling like this. Super Bounce is the thing you keep next to your bed to make sure your skin isn’t going to kill you for all of the wine you drank the night before.
It’s no secret that those of us who love to drink don’t get as much sleep as we probably should. What?! When there’s bar hopping to be done you rally and hippity hop on to the next bar! But all the that hopping can lead to dry eyes, puffiness, and just a general “I’ve been run over by a truck” kind of appearance. Eye masks are your best friend. I just put them on while I’m salvaging my hair and brushing my teeth and after peeling them off no one will be any the wiser that I let some bartender named Hunter give me four shots of whiskey for free last night.
The number one rule, for drinkers and everyone else, is take your makeup off before you go to bed. And no. Not with a makeup wipe. Makeup wipes basically just rub your makeup all over your skin and irritate the crap out of it. Sorry but you have to actually wash your face to get off all that makeup. Which is why a balm, like Bye Bye Makeup by It, is so convenient. You just rub it all over, yes even on your eyes, and then wipe it off with a damp cloth. It will pull off all your makeup but actually hydrate your skin. So even if you skip the rest of the steps in your routine because you’re already one shoe off and half asleep, you won’t screw up your skin for the next two weeks.
Everyone who has heard of alcohol knows it’s dehydrating as hell. Even if you do the whole “glass of water between each drink” game. It’s still going to dehydrate you. And I don’t know about you, but the first place I feel it is in my lips. Especially if I’ve been snacking on the bar nuts or whatever roughage they’ve laid out on the bar top for plebs like myself to snack upon. My lips are the first to go, the first to fall. Ever since I started doing the occasional lip mask once or twice a week, my lips hold up wayyyyy better. No chapped lips here, fam!
Being a red wine drinker has consequences. And those consequences are worse hangovers, higher alcohol contents, and stained teeth. I’m completely paranoid about stained teeth, so finding something that didn’t also require me to walk around with strips on for a half hour like Crest wanted me to do was a game changer. The results show pretty quickly and extra bonus, she’s cruelty free!
The name of the game when you love to drink but also want to save your skin is hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. There’s a reason this sold out 7 or whatever times at Sephora. It works. I don’t black out very often but I blacked out on a trip with some of my friends after drinking a ton of whiskey waters, several glasses of wine, and at least a 6 pack and upon waking up the next morning I was pleasantly surprised to see I had slapped this all over my face in my drunken state. So even though I was probably (read: absolutely was) still drunk and unsure of how I would feel throughout the day, my skin looked bouncy and hydrated and glowey AF. 10/10 recommend.
Lush did us a solid and named these products after the leader of the pagan Feast of Fools, whose celebrations often were subject to drunken shenanigans and insane parties. But furthermore, the whole premise behind the bath bomb is to make something that looks like you’re bathing in red wine. I don’t know about you, but that’s my ultimate life goal. The smells of black pepper and patchouli are super invigorating, and the combo is meant for rule-breakers. Which someone who probably loves a shower beer definitely is.
Exfoliants are tricky, and truthfully I’m not the biggest exfoliant girl. But an exfoliant (which is on sale btw!!) that’s made with grape skin from Napa Valley? That’s something I can get on board with. Exfoliants are good, but like free shots from bartenders named Hunter, they shouldn’t be an every day thing. Once or twice a week is plenty, and your skin will be thankful for all of the toxins you get rid of in the process. (Like the memories of taking free whiskey from Hunter.)
THESE. LIP TINTS. LOOK. LIKE. TINY. BOTTLES. OF. WINE. (And they are long lasting and come in great, wine-esque shades. But let’s be real, the tiny bottle is the selling point here.)
Generation G in ‘Jam’ By Glossier
Generation G has a cult following for a reason. The lipsticks are designed to have a “smudged on” look to them, so they’re incredibly forgiving and look great no matter what state you’re in when you put them on. But the shade ‘Jam’ is truly, my jam. It’s this beautiful, berry toned wine color that mimics the effect you get when you’ve been drinking merlot and your lips just start to be stained. I don’t know; I find it very sexy, kind of bad girl, and very much my style. And I feel like fellow winos will get exactly what I’m talking about.
This post is not sponsored.