If you don’t have anything nice to say immediately text your friends just “ughhhhhhhhh” so they know it’s time to go off.
Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you amongst cocktails, and blessed are the bitches who don’t judge us for ordering you before noon.
The selfie is always greener on the other side of Afterlight, Face Tune, and VSCO A6 or A7.
Honesty is the best policy. (Outside of the group text. Always outside of the group text.)
It takes two to judge Tom on Tinder.
Two wrongs don’t make a right…but they will make a great story to tell at brunch tomorrow.
Blessed are the those who are timely with Venmo-ing back, for they shall inherit the Earth.
Don’t cross the bridge unless your friend with an iphone 7 plus is behind you to ‘Gram it. (Helllooooo portrait mode.)
You made your bed, now you have to figure out how to get Chad out of it.
There’s no use crying over a spilled vodka soda. It’s not even going to stain.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s been told, “That’s an interesting outfit!”
You can lead a Rob to the bar, but you can’t make him buy you the right drinks.
Thou shalt always keep hoes before bros.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over…while four friends text you, “Go for it!!” in the background.
One man’s trash is something you should probably investigate before finding his alma mater, Linkedin, and cousin on Facebook.
If you want something done right, you’ve got to consult with all of your friends for “feedback” before doing it yourself.