1. Loving the idea of making a bunch of money. Does money buy happiness? No, but money sure buys a lot of things that make being happy a whole lot easier. And having money is pretty awesome. So if that makes me materialistic and somehow less evolved – whatever. I’ll go buy more cold brew whilst continuing to not care.
2. Biting my nails. I’m a horribly flawed person. I have bad habits — shocking! I know! I’ve been battling the urge to rip apart my nails since 1st grade and it’s one that I’ll probably always be semi-addicted to. But there’s no reason to be self-concious for having a visible flaw. None at all.
3. Not wanting to be friends with my exes. Like Miranda from SATC I wish I could be one of those people who like, has a rolodex of love for people they’ve broken up with…but I’m not. I don’t want them on my newsfeed, in my mentions, in my social circle, in my brunch gossip or in my life at all. And that’s okay too.
4. Refusing to share food. Joey doesn’t share food and I don’t either.
5. Being nosy. I prefer to call it “curious” but I digress. I like to know what’s going on at all times. I like to gather information and just have it. It’s not even that I necessarily need it for some reason. I just like to have it. Obviously I know how to avoid crossing a line, but having a curiosity about other people’s lives isn’t a bad thing. It’s human nature.
6. Hating it when people are in my space. I am an only child to a t. I’m also kind of a loner. I like my space and my things and when someone is around for too long, I get tense. It just means I need some alone time – not that there’s anything wrong with me.
7. Worrying so much about critiquing people and having them still call me “nice.” Or as I call it, “using my baby gloves.” Sometimes criticism comes at you bluntly. Sometimes it isn’t layered in suggestion or sugar or coddling. And if adults can’t handle that, that’s not really my problem. Directness does not equate to being mean. (Once more for the people in the back.) Directness does not equate to being mean.
8. Feeling like a child when faced with adult decisions. I have to make some calls with my living situation over the next year and the stress of it makes me feel like a teenager all over again. I’m constantly texting my dad and asking him what things mean and I feel like a 27-year-old toddler. I know if push came to shove I could feasibly figure it all out on my own, but goddamn am I grateful that I don’t have to.
9. Procrastinating on my taxes. I will probably always file them three days before they’re due. Whatever, at least I file them. *cough*Trump*cough*
10. Regretting going to college. This is a tough one that I still feel really dumb about sometimes. I don’t regret going to college in the sense that it introduced me to some of my best friends in the entire world, gave me unbelievable life experiences, and helped me ~grow~ or whatever. But I would be lying if the fact that in order to have those experiences I spent a bunch of money and took classes that I’ll realistically never utilize doesn’t sort of bother me. It feels like a waste. And it makes me get in my own head and wonder where I would be had I NOT done that. So yeah. I kind of regret going to college. And even though that probably makes my parents sort of sad and is weird to hear…it’s true. But like all other things, I’ll get over it.
11. Loving animals more than people. Jesus created dogs to make up for the fact that everyone else is terrible. True story.
12. Hating people’s online personas with a fiery passion. If you want to see me get worked up faster than anything, present someone’s contradictory online persona in front of me and watch my blood fuckin’ boil. Here’s the thing: to a certain extent, we all do it. We present a more marketable, fun, cute, whatever version of ourselves online because it makes people more interested in us. Get it. Soooo get it. But on the other, there are people out there who are basically acting completely and nothing about them is authentic even though it’s presented in authentic way. And I hate it! And I always will! #followmeontwitter
13. Choosing to distance myself from people who exhaust me. There are people out there who you will not like for absolutely no reason at all and you do not owe them any explanation. And similarly, there are people out there who will feel that way about you and they don’t owe you anything in return. Learn it, live it, let it go.
14. Refusing to respect liars. Not a whole lot that’s more absurd that outright lying to people. Sorry not sorry.
15. Loving One Direction. I went to a One Direction concert at 25 and it was probably one of the greatest nights of my life. She’s not afraid of all the attention or your judgement, music snob.
16. Washing my hair way less often than is socially respectable. Usually just once a week, twice if there’s too much product in it. But if I’m being totally honest, I really only wash it when it starts to get that weird “dirty hair” smell. Otherwise it’s beanies all day every day. Even in the summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
17. But then dropping at shit ton of money to make it platinum. I talk about not really taking care of my hair or washing it or styling it but then, once a month, I go sit in a salon chair while sipping sparkling water and drop around what my rent was in college to make myself look like a Malfoy. Contradictory? Maybe! Gonna change? Likely not.
18. Leaving my number for cute bartenders to find. I might look desperate or annoying or too much or too this or too that. Or, I might meet someone new. Someone exciting. Someone who ends up being something. And if all that it takes is leaving 10 digits on a receipt, why not take that chance? (Or I just get impulsive when I drink too much and whatever, there are worse things.)
19. But having severe reservations when it comes to actually dating. I’m a workaholic, ridiculously independent, and have trust issues. Basically, I’m great and this is a billboard for why I am so unapologetically fantastic. While I say, “Why not take a chance!?” I continually balk at the chances given. I’m admittedly contradictory and often hypocritical. I’m a work in progress and horribly human. Just like you.
20. Finding people boring. I like smart people and interesting conversation — sue me! I don’t want to be bored by people but I honestly am a lot of the time. But you know what’s even more boring? Pretending to be interested in something when you just freaking aren’t.
21. Loving to buy people gifts and not worrying about if they’ll reciprocate. My love language is gifts and if that makes you uncomfortable you can just suck it up and deal with whatever I’ve given you that probably also wrapped in really fun wrapping paper because I’m a sucker for novelty paper stores.
22. Thinking my friends make terrible decisions and not supporting said decisions. You can love someone and adore them and respect them and also say, “I don’t think that’s a good call.” Nowhere in the good friend manual does it say, “Agree with everything they do at all time no questions asked goodbye.” Part of adult friendship is learning to disagree, and then learning to move on.
23. Giving advice that I don’t follow. See above.