Maybe it’s because we’re in the throes of cuffing season, but there’s a behavior that I feel like is way more prevalent as of late. Or maybe it’s just become louder because people are seeing proposals at the Rockefeller tree and that’s lighting some sort of pissed off single person fire inside of them.
Basically, I feel like everywhere I turn everyone is super sad about being super single. And they’re not just “super sad” as I oh-so-eloquently put it. It’s more than that. Well…at least more dramatic than that.
Everywhere I turn, someone is dramatically throwing their hands up in the air hopelessly declaring, “I’m the most single person to ever single and I’m going to die alone.”
And don’t get me wrong, I have been there. Oh LORD have I been there. I have been in the position of feeling so helplessly and painfully single where you just sort of resign yourself to the idea that you’ll never have a consistent plus one to events ever again. The sort of single where you forget the last time you sparked with anyone, the last time you had a crush or chemistry with someone other than your delivery guy. The sort of single where people stop asking you if you’re seeing anyone, because they know the answer.
And have I made “dying alone” or “perpetually single” jokes? Oh absolutely. You betcha. 100% have and likely will again.
But there’s a significant difference in using your single status as the punchline in a joke you’re telling about yourself, and actively complaining to the universe because you just hate being single.
Here’s the thing about being single (and brace yourself because I’m sure this is going to shock you:
It’s not that bad.
Which is why all of your whining about “not knowing how to date!!!” and “never being able to find love!!!!” and “dying alone!!!” just needs to fucking stop.
Frankly, even behaving in the slightest bit that being single is equivalent to dealing with trauma or is the end of the world is pretty stupid when you REALLY think about it. You’re single, not a leper. You’re single, not scarred. You’re single, and it’s okay.
The reality is, being single is pretty much no different than any other quality you might have. You deal with having poor eyesight by wearing glasses, you don’t start stomping your feet and pouting being like, “I’m going to be blind!” You just handle yourself with the cards you were dealt and go along your merry way, no huffing and puffing needed.
Being single isn’t a death sentence, it just is.
Because here’s the truth that no one wants to say out loud. When you’re whining about being single or complaining about how much you hate it or tossing yourself on a bed Disney-princess style and sobbing about how you’re never going to be loved or fucked or cuddled again, this is what you’re actually saying:
You’re saying that you’re not happy enough with yourself to live with just you for forever.
A fear of dying alone or an overwhelming hatred towards being single isn’t simply wanting a significant other or just “being a relationship person” even if that’s what you tell people over and over again. It’s ultimately rooted in a dissatisfaction with yourself and it’s really a fear that you’re never going to be enough for someone because you’re not even enough for YOU.
Because reality is, being single isn’t a death sentence. But hating yourself and not liking yourself enough to where you think it might be is, well, worse.
So here’s what I propose:
How about instead of being all “lol (whilst crying internally) no one is ever going to love me again” you instead pick yourself up and go meet some new people. Instead of swiping on Tinder at 11 PM in your bed with no intentions of actually talking to anyone, you take your friend up on going with her to her holiday party and you mingle. Instead of declaring yourself unlovable, you start to actually love yourself enough to not give a shit if someone else does.
Because the truth is, the most attractive people in the room are the people who don’t really care if anyone thinks they’re attractive to begin with. The most lovable people love themselves so much that they can focus on loving other people, instead of worrying about the affection that may or may not be coming their way. The happiest people are the ones who take control of their own well-being, instead of adamantly believing that someone else can take care of it for them.
The people who somehow don’t give a shit about being single, are the people who realize that it had literally no effect on anything to begin with.
Being single isn’t that bad. It’s only bad if you sit there picking at it like a scab and focusing on all of the reasons why you should have someone handing you a bandaid because you don’t feel like getting your ass up and doing it yourself.
So starting taking care of yourself. Start loving yourself. Stop giving a shit on whether or not you’re in a relationship or have a crush or whatever.
None of that matters. But how you view yourself? Well that’s pretty much everything.