That’s my v. v. professional assessment of this week’s Horror Story.
In the last episode it was revealed that there was only one survivor from the series, but didn’t say who exactly that would be. But regardless, they are wasting NO time in killing people off to show who our winner (is it a winner? not really…they just get to…you know…LIVE) is.
So let’s recap this episode! Which was very jump worthy and given the little storm that’s swirling around Seattle atm, made me really easily spooked.
It should go without saying MAJOR SPOILERS ARE AHEAD. Don’t read them if you don’t want them!!!
Sidney, his P.A., and a camera man are watching the 75 cameras they’ve set up around the house and property in the production team trailer. Post-delivering dinner to the team, the P.A. heads out to check on something on the property after her concerns over Diana’s whereabouts are shrugged off. After seeing some weirdness on one of the cameras, Sid and the camera guy hear her scream only to find her bleeding out, throat cut, right behind the trailer. Agnes appears fully Butcher-ed up, and offs them all before getting real creepy in the dropped camera’s frame.
RIP Sidney. You were kind of a diiiiiick but this does answer how everyone supposedly died when there would’ve been a production team around. That loose end is CUT. Pun intended.
Sarah Paulson aka: Audrey and her English accent go looking for Rory, who is very much dead at the hands of the murderous nurses. The rest of the housemates start looking for him as well, only find his pool of blood, but Audrey insists that he’s taken off to A) go after his better acting offer and B) get away from being in a relationship with a woman 15 years older than him. Wow…talk about some patriarchal pressure huh?
Agnes is clearly having some sort of schizophrenic break or is possessed, as she’s pacing around covered in 3 people’s blood underground in a sort of lair talking as both herself and The Butcher to a camera she’s set up. In the middle of a monologue her torch goes out and a bunch of Blair Witch-esque figures appear out of nowhere. Uh oh, Agnes. You’re in trooouuuuble.
The next morning Dominic and Shelby have a slight tête-à-tête in the kitchen. Shelby maintains that she’s determined to make it work with Matt, but Dominic appears to have it BAD for Shelby. Matt, catching them face to face, reiterates that he’s DONE with Shelby, and says, “Deuces,” to the will-they-or-won’t-they couple.
Dominic, in the confessional, shows that he has a body cam, and is being paid extra to be the “villain” of the show by Sidney. So yeah, he liked bumping uglies with Shelby that one weekend, but he’s more interested in screen time. Wow. What a winner.
Shelby is in her room crying over her failed marriage and the bloody camera from earlier and Agnes both appear, threatening her with a cleaver and hacking a slice out of her shoulder. Right before she’s about to off-with-her-head Shelby, Agnes begins a weird ritualistic chant, and in swoops Dominic, who disarms her. As he’s comforting a bleeding Shelby, Dominic notices that Agnes, and the camera, have somehow disappeared.
Everyone is tending to an injured Shelby, and Monet (who’s just confessed to being really, genuinely weirded out by the house) Audrey, and Lee volunteer to go out of the house to get someone to help since no one has a phone or a way to get in contact with the crew other than screaming helplessly at the cameras. While in the tunnels beneath the house, Audrey thinks she’s seeing her missing husband (who’s maybe dressed as Mott??), only to witness as the group is attacked and pursued by something (or someone) that Lee shoots.
Upon finding the completely abandoned production van (and the bodies) the ladies naturally freak the fuck out. Agnes appears, ready to claim three more victims and Lee does her favorite activity, gunning Agnes down.
In the woods the three are hiding from the mob they’ve heard rumbling about and Audrey films a goodbye to Rory. When she notices blood coming from above dripping onto her forehead, they look up to see Rory’s body strung up and over them like a trophy. Yiiiiiikes.
The women are then captured by the very real, and still not awesome Polk family (Finn Wittrock and Robin Weigert) as one of the Polk sons cattle prods them, and the other snatches them up, while a third films it all on his own camera.
Back in her lair, Agnes pulls the bullet out of her body and gets somehow CRAZIER to her camera, dead set on “reclaiming her land.”
That night, Matt wakes in a somewhat entranced state and leaves the house like a sleepwalker. Waking up after hearing him stir, Dominic follows Matt who is heading straight for The Witch (played by Lady Gaga in the reenactment – unknown in this real time). Dominic wakes up a sleeping Shelby and shows her what’s going down in the basement between Matt and The Witch, who are getting their freak on. Matt exclaims that she (Witchy-poo) was the only reason he came back to the house, because he full on loves her. And this prompts Shelby to go fully off her rocker and bash Matt’s brains in with a crowbar.
(Matt’s down. I’m disappointed.)
The Polks, in their weed chamber, start torturing Lee who begs them to let her go and go get help. Instead, she’s forced to help prepare her own leg for the cannibals and the other captives.
The Polk boys continue filming Audrey and Monet, while doing lines of coke and tormenting them with their cattle prod and otherwise. Mama Polk comes in with some “Sweet Meats” which, yes, are pieces of Lee’s thigh, and forces the two ladies to eat them. Gross. And yiiiiiikes.
Upstairs in the house, Dominic gets the crowbar away from a hysterical Shelby. He tries to talk her down, but like…she just murdered her ex-husband so that’s not happening. He reminds her that there are cameras everywhere, so there’s no getting away from the fact that she just bludgeoned Matt to death in the basement. Dominic is somehow very level about all of this, even as he’s wiping away Matt’s blood from Shelby’s face.
In the yard of the house, Agnes is lighting a fire and leading the Butcher’s mob right to the house in the exact same fashion as the earlier episodes. The mob and their torches light up the house, and Agnes is met face to face with the REAL Butcher (credited on IMDB to AHS newcomer, Susan Berger), who promptly axes her head. So Agnes, damage that she did, isn’t going to make it either.
AND THAT’S WHERE WE’RE AT.
I was fully betting on Matt being the survivor, but that’s gone. Unless there’s some sort of Witch magic that’s going to happen. We still have to see what Finn Wittrock’s Polk boy is going to be like, as Ryan Murphy has claimed it’s “the most fucked up” character he’s played to date. And Tassia Farmiga is back in some fashion as well, all though it’s yet to be revealed.
Is she the Witch IRL? Who’s going to make it out alive? Can we trust Dominic? Does it matter? Also what about Flora and Priscilla? Is that something we should keep in mind?
No doubt Ryan Murphy is going to continue keeping us on our toes.
See you next week, kids.