1. Not even hesitating before yanking your underwear out of your butt crack after it’s way too far up there and has overstayed its WELCOME.
2. Burping and feeling the Earth shift.
3. Scoring said burp after the fact. “Meh…that was like a 6.”
4. Fundamentally not understanding the point of wearing heels when you could wear flats.
5. Having a “colorful” language. *fuckity fuck fuck fuck*
6. Not really worrying about whether or not your jeans are clean.
7. Or your bra for that matter.
8. Until you just shove everything into the washer and hope for the best.
9. Considering your hands to be the best utensils you could possibly have at your disposal.
10. Never, never uttering the words, “I’ll just have a salad.”
11. Being able to crush at shotgun contests.
12. Or chugging contents.
13. Or really any sort of contest that involves eating or drinking a ton of stuff in a short amount of time.
14. Living your life by the motto: “Home is where no pants are.” *God bless not wearing pants.*
15. Having a makeup routine that literally take 5 minutes from start to finish.
16. Bracing yourself for the, “Wow what’s the occasion?” comments whenever you actually doll yourself up.
17. Switching drinks with your guy friend at the bar when he orders a margarita, and you’ve ordered an IPA.
18. And then giving him a slight masculinity pep talk afterwards.
19. Constantly being called a “tomboy” or “one of the guys.”
20. And relating all too well to the “friendzone.”
21. Never understanding why you would willingly carry a clutch when backpacks and canvas tote bags exist.
22. Feeling yourself panic ever-so-slightly when you realize you didn’t leave the house with a hair tie on your wrist for later.
23. Sarcastically saying, “Oh I might have ONE slice,” when your roommate orders pizza knowing full well you’re going to plow through at least 3 and half.
24. Feeling how long your armpit hair has gotten after a few days of wearing long sleeved sweaters and thinking, “I wonder if I could braid this…”
25. When your friend hyperbolically says she’s going to punch her boyfriend you instantly reply with, “Thumb on the outside of the fist!”
26. Not worrying about how ridiculous and red faced you look after working out because who the hell cares? No selfie needed.
27. Loving yourself for exactly who you are. Burps, wedgies, sailor mouth and all.