“Going out sounds awful…we should just order Seamless again.”
Oh babe, going out DOES sound awful. And yes. Yes we should just order food to be delivered straight to our door, no muss no fuss, again. Why else would we have these fucking $800 phones with apps galore if they couldn’t bring hot pizza and burritos directly to our laps night after night? If we don’t order the food we’re really doing Apple a disservice. Apple WANTS us to sit on our butts and swipe and click touch screens bringing guac to our homes, so it’s for Steve. RIP.
“Damn your chair is comfy.”
Thank you KINDLY. I spend enough time here that I have spent a good second making sure every piece is perfectly constructed for maximum lounging and relaxing comfort potential. Thank you for recognizing but also…please don’t mess up the cushions…
“Got enough room?”
**scoots over on the couch** I don’t have to feel bad about resenting sharing my furniture because you’ll make sure I’m comfortable?!!!? *pinches self* Is this real life?!
“Oh we have forever until we need to be there. Take your time.”
Thank god you recognize that peeling myself away from Netflix, showering, coifing myself, and putting on “in public” clothes isn’t going to take a subtle twenty minutes. If I have to be expected to present myself as a person who goes out, it’s going to take a while. And not just because I’m going to be watching Game of Thrones WHILE I curl my hair. But also because I rarely do this. So thank god but also, genuinely, thank you.
“Do you want me to just pick up pizza on the way home?”
Hold up…let me get this straight. Not only are you coming over to MY house, but you’re also going to be carrying some cheesy goodness when I buzz you up? Yes, yes, a THOUSAND times yes. Please come over.
“Let’s just stay at your place this weekend.”
Don’t have to ask me twice.
“Hey! Remember what you said about Bennett disappearing? Let me introduce you to…”
Truly, I have never been more in love than in this moment. There is nothing worse about being anti-social than being anti-social at a party and feeling like I have to fend for myself. I’m so glad you recognized that since it was YOUR party you were obligated to make me feel less weird about the situation. And after you’ve given me someone else to blab about OITNB with I can (mostly) feel better and hold a conversation on my own that doesn’t involve awkwardly laughing and nodding along with yours while also pretending to text.
**text ding** “Netflix and “God dammit yes I am still watching!!” and chill?”
Lol. Babe you know me so well.
“I bet we could make Pad Thai JUST as good at home ourselves.”
I knew the countless hours I’ve spent weirdly lusting after different things on Foodspotting in the comfort of the wonderful, aforementioned home would pay off. Is this the 2015 version of The Notebook? Instead of building me a house he’s going to build me a cheesecake and spicy noodles while I’m wearing slippers in my living room? LOVE IS REAL.
“You look hot in those sweatpants.”
You look hot when you say that.
“Don’t worry, I bought more popcorn.”
I need to make sure I understand the situation at hand correctly. You not only know me well enough to know my favorite snack but you are freely, and with no prior nagging, offering to REPLENISH said snack? Knock me up. Just do it. DARE YOU.
“Need another pillow/blanket/foot rest?”
Yes I am always cold and slightly uncomfortable, especially when sharing my space with another human. How thoughtful of you to notice.
“No, no stay there. I’ll come to you.”
I don’t have to come to your house where the mattress will be either too firm or not firm enough, there will be a strange, undetectable odor, and I’m forced to use a bathroom that is not MY bathroom? I get to avoid ALL of that!? Honestly I don’t think you understand how chill it is, NO, how AMAZING it is of you to accept that I want to be in my own spot, my own oasis, and to agree to exist in said oasis with no fight. **strips naked**
“I’ve never seen Breaking Bad, should I watch it?”
That depends…are you prepared to watch an entire season in a day and drink orange juice out of the container and stuff cold pizza in your face whilst doing so? Oh…you assumed that was part of the deal?
“This party is terrible. Let’s go home.”
Truer words were never spoken.
“Wanna know who’s gonna be there?”
**faints** Arguably the worst part of agreeing to go anywhere is not knowing who else will be in attendance once you get to the set location. By offering it up on a silver platter you are allowing me to decide whether or not to feel obligated to go with you. And that is just the fucking greatest gift of all.
“Can we just stay in tonight?”
Can you also just marry me tonight?