1. “What about bacon?”
Why is bacon like…the king of meats? No vegetarian is going to be like “I don’t eat meat EXCEPT bacon at brunch.” Nope – if I’m vegetarian, you can bet I gave it up. Bye side of bacon, hello side of avocado. Why is that so unbelievable?
2. “Does it bother you to see me eat this?”
Well are you going to stop if I say yes? I do not give a shit what you decide to put into your body so why is what I put into mine such a hot topic of conversation? Eat your burger; the only person dwelling on how I feel about it is you.
3. “You probably bruise easily because you aren’t getting enough iron and protein.”
Not every health issue can be linked to iron and protein deficiencies despite the fact that every meat eater who comes across a veggie or vegan seems to think this is the case. Just get off of WebMD and leave me alone, THANKS.
4. “I could never give up meat.”
Lucky for you, no one is asking you to. I could never give up coffee but you don’t see me ready to smack that Earl Grey from your hand. It’s one thing if you’re genuinely curious as to why I made the switch. But just stating that you couldn’t eat the way I eat makes me feel awkward. And frankly, I don’t really know how to respond.
5. “Are you sure you don’t want a bite?”
Okay look. I know you’re probably kidding but this is honestly really fucking rude. I didn’t take you to the vegetarian restaurant after you made a face about it. I went to the burger bar and ordered what I could and now you’re going to wave a piece of meat at me just to be an asshole? Next time we’re getting quinoa, BITCH.
6. “Do you take like a million supplements?”
I do take one, but I’ve taken that for years because my body is weird and I’ve needed it. Honestly I get vitamins way more quickly and in a much more balanced fashion than you do and that’s not because you still eat meat but because I actually watch what I put into my body and don’t consider eating Taco Bell four times a night to be “treating myself.” But that’s a different discussion for a different day.
7. “Oh so you’re like really into animals, huh?”
Partially yeah. But don’t worry I’m not going to make you watch Earthlings while you order a meat-lovers pizza. I went veggie for a lot of reasons and yeah, the animals were part of it. So what? Why you mad, bro?
8. “But your bag is leather…”
First and foremost, it’s from H&M and if you think they’re selling leather you need a serious reality check. Secondly, going full veg and cutting animal products out of clothing and accessories takes a hot second. Arguably it would be more wasteful to throw a leather bag away rather than continue to use it to its full capacity. There are also different levels to vegetarianism and you don’t get to be the veggie police after trying to get me to order a side of bacon “to split” at brunch.
9. “Why aren’t you vegan?”
Because I’m not. I don’t consume a ton of dairy but I do still eat cheese every now and then and do still eat eggs for breakfast. I’m not a vegan because I’m just not. Again, stop trying to be the veggie police!
10. “I guess you can just order salad…”
Oh my god, thank you so much for being so considerate! But for real don’t worry; I will be able to figure it out. You can order whatever you want and I will put together a bunch of sides because that is the veggie way.
11. “Don’t you miss meat?”
Are you just hoping I say “OMFG YES. Thanks for being the first person to ask me that so I can FINALLY just give in and eat that burger I’ve been dying for!!!”? I miss meat in the same way that you probably miss a friend from high school you haven’t spoken to in years. Yeah we had some good memories, but I’ve moved on. I’m not sitting here pining for them, but if I see a cute photo on Facebook (or in meat’s case a recipe on Pinterest) I’ll go “Aw” and then X out.