1. Jake: The Boy with the Tartinis.
Let’s just start by pointing out that this bad boy is played by a young, American Sniper-free, Bradley Cooper. Jake was gorgeous and spontaneous. He had a convertible in New York City. I bet if Carrie hadn’t been so hung up on the “Single and Fabulous?” (Question mark?!) headline the two of them could have had a great time. Guys are easy. If you tell them what’s up they will generally not really give a fuck unless it involves video games, food, or sex.
Carrie could have had a great, beautiful time with Jake. And maybe he would have been the guy that didn’t give a shit about the “Question Mark” headline. No one will ever know. DAMMIT CARRIE.
2. Louis Leroy: The Sailor.
Remember the end of the “I Love NY” episode? He just couldn’t hang with New York and Carrie could not deal with anyone dissing her boyfriend, the City? Well Carrie’s nuts.
Look at those lips. UGH. A perpetually single gal like Carrie would have been made for the whole long distance thing. Especially something she could so easily romanticize with her writing. There’s something so beautiful and poetic about having a boyfriend away serving his country at sea. Can’t you just picture Carrie sitting at that black on silver Macbook, typing away about the man she misses? I can. Oh, I can.
3. Paul: The Photographer.
Paul only showed up in the episode where our c-c-curly girl took a tumble on the runway when modeling for a fake Dolce & Gabbana. He was the photographer Carrie had been fixated on in the nineties, who she so eloquently told to “fuck off” when she ate shit on the runway.
Paul was extremely adorable — I mean, can we just recollect for a second on the time he kissed Carrie after the whole “Show me a model who’s as alive as her” speech!!!???! He was also imaginative — crucial for a fellow artist (sorry, Big) — and pretty much ready for anything. If he could handle Christy Turlington in 1995, he could handle Carrie. At least I think.
4. Berger. Yep. Post-it Berger.
All right, all right. Here me out.
I love Berger. I recognize his flaws FOR SURE. He was immature, jealous, non-committal, and really needed to learn how to get away smoothly on his bike. But there’s something to be said about two writers being together. There’s something to be said about people joking about coconuts in briefcases at jury duty together.
Everyone wants to paint Berger to be this asshole, this person that was just the worst. And while what he did was awful, when you’ve past high school, you should at least have a conversation to back it up and Carrie didn’t. I would have gone after him. I would have tried to throw the post-it away, track down my fellow creative and tortured soul, and tried desperately to pull him back.
Berger needed to be chased and Carrie decided she wasn’t up for it. Had Carrie not reversed the rental car, and eventually gave it back, I think she and Ron Livingston could have been very happy together.
5. Ray: The Jazz Man.
Mind. Blowing. Orgasms.
Girl. You should have figured it out.