The 8 Steps To Getting Your One-Night Stand Out Of Your Apartment

The Hangover / Amazon.com.
The Hangover / Amazon.com.

1. Say hello to your hangover.

Whether it be a real hangover thanks to one-too-many IPAs or an emotional hangover because you regret the positions you were bent into, greet it and get ready to deal with it. Open your eyes slowly and allow yourself to take a second. But not too much more than a second because you have a stranger to start getting rid of. Let’s face it, it is RARE that you want someone who is essentially a stranger to hang out and watch Netflix with you. That’s private time. So acknowledge that you don’t feel good, and note that you can take care of it later.

2. Don’t waste time being naked.

Okay we can admit we aren’t necessarily proud of having this person in our presence but now is not the time to feel sorry for ourselves. Now is the time to put together the pieces of nights gone by and figure out where your pants are. And their pants. Locate all of the pants. People can’t, or at least won’t, leave in their underwear so find their clothes and leave them in a reachable location. Just don’t like, fold them. That’s weird.

3. Passive aggressively hint that it’s time for them to go.

This is the part where you’ll start to do chores rather than just say “Hey, get up and get out SON.” You’ll get a load of laundry going, start doing dishes, clean the bathroom floor which hasn’t been cleaned since your LAST one-night stand (no judgment) and obviously none of these will be done quietly. Truthfully it’s a good effort, though we all know it’s not going to work. But hey. Good for you for getting some housework done.

4. Kick yourself for your choices.

There they are, snoring and farting away in your bed. You did this. Well, you with a little help from your friends Grey and Goose at the bar. You don’t have their number but they’re turning your bed into their own private party of one. Look at them, spooning your favorite down pillow. You hate them. Take it from me: it’s not worth dwelling on. Just give it 24 hours; you’ll be laughing about it in no time. Or give yourself enough time to at least wash them out of your sheets — then you can laugh about it.

5. Decide how nice you’re going to be.

Are you going to offer to take them to their home or car? Or are you just going to send them on their way with nothing but embarrassment and fuzzy memories? Basically you have to decide if you’re going to be able to look them in the eye if you run into them again. My rule of thumb is if you have more than one mutual friend, you have to be nice. You don’t want all of your buddies calling you an asshole behind your back. If they truly are a random person who you only met 12 hours prior — no worries.

6. Wake the beast.

Don’t try to do this “accidentally” by like, dropping a pillow on them or coughing juuuusst loud enough. Be a grown up; wake them up. You don’t have to feel bad about having a life or things to do or even just wanting them out of your space. You offered them sex, not a place to sleep till one in the afternoon. This is either where you just simply say “how are you getting home” or you give them an elaborate lie about how you’re meeting your mom and aunt for brunch but then really just circle the block in your car before going back into your home.

7. Do. Not. Fall. For. Sleepy. Eyes.

Sex is not a coupon that allows someone to cash in on your amazingly comfy bed. I don’t care how tired they look or if “they didn’t even realize you were up” (bullshit by the way). There is nothing sexy about not being able to take a hint. Along the same lines: do not fall for them feigning interest in your day in an attempt to tag along. Do you really want to hang out with someone you had sloppy, drunk sex with? Do you really want to tarnish what could be a perfectly good brunch with awkward conversation and trying to figure out what was so interesting about them when you had your booze blinders on? No. No you don’t.

8. When in doubt, Jon Hamm it.

Everyone hissed in disapproval when he said it in Bridesmaids but sometimes you have tried every trick and you just gotta say it:

“I really want/need you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick.”

Whoop there it is. If that doesn’t get them out, then congratulations; I think you got engaged. TC mark

I asked women to be honest about their Instagram photos

“The essays in this book are short and sweet, and incredible. Love love loved this.” — Alex

“I’m so in love with this book! It’s so moving and some of the stories bring me to tears not because it’s sad, but because it’s relatable and shows that we’re not alone.” — Kendra

This is the reality of Instagram...

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.ecoleusp.com/having-on-braces-as-a-the-pros-and-negatives/ Having on Braces as a the Pros and Negatives – Ecole de Rugby USP

    […] https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… Across The Usa Sure, individuals place limitations and rules intended for dating lives as an illustration « no sex about the earliest date » or perhaps « don’t receive attached.  » However, these kinds of rules are certainly more just like goals and we aim to not even break them all and next we do not do some thing may possibly later help to make us somewhat insecure or have regrets. And, not surprisingly, most people has busted our tips ultimately and our frights were crafted realities. This doesn’t mean your rules are not is often broken them just makes we tend to realize some of our limits and sensitivities and whether consciously or subliminally, we find it difficult to secure ourselves or otherwise secure our paper hearts. […]

  • http://doichu.com/2018/08/17/the-place-you-meet-your-lover-at-night-way-of-any-samurai-4/ the place you meet your lover at night? Way of any Samurai 4 – Classic

    […] • Tip step 2: BE ABSOLUTELY SURE. Think stuff thoroughly. If you are a number of and one particular percent certain that it’s just what you choose, won’t enter in the conversion. As Relating to stated previously, turning casual seeing in a serious relationship is but you big drama simply waiting to help you unfold just before ones vision so if you’re not ready, annoyed when someone can backfire upon you. Become without doubt itrrrs this which usually you want and be sure that you are happy to cope with that contests the fact that accompany this unique risk. Choosing Practical Systems Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • https://www.dorolojistik.com/one-time-guys-guide-to-make-sure-you-vegas/ 404 Not Found

    […] Previous to with reference to this unique matter with all your spouse, it is better to chat next to each other earliest using your trusted friend and discovered because of all your emotions and feelings. It is advisable to express away to help you someone near to you and which in turn team most people trust very much. It is better doing this?nstead of express the idea out as part of your wife; that will exclusively experience the in anger and fight. Locating Trouble-Free Systems Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • http://desentupimentosbenfica.pt/middle-section-school-romance-the-advantages-and-cons/ Middle section School Romance: The advantages and Cons - Desentupimentos Benfica - Orçamento Grátis

    […] https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… – An A-Z 2. Being booked. Communication is probably the most important items of your wholesome relationship. Take effective communication aside as well as foundation foundation will start to fall apart. The problem with communication wouldn’t it be sometimes sets out regular but, over time, often people will seal themselves not even close one other. Getting due to complacency, being bored to death, or maybe a benefits of a negative have the romantic relationship encountered. […]

  • https://www.dagetechnology.com/swiping-right-on-love-pluses-and-minuses-of-dating-software/ Swiping right on love? Pluses and minuses of dating software | Malaysia's Top Mobile Apps , iOS , Android Development Firm

    […] Folks that have a look at intimacy experts don’t work for the record norm. They are really unusual, much like I am, considering most people do not enhance to do people so as to focus on their sperm relationship, particularly if they normally ought to pay for hourly basis of this! It’s not actually easy to locate the answers each time a girl has complexity reaching male orgasms in intercourse. Thoughts On Fast Methods For https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • http://www.conglomo.eu/2018/10/22/swiping-right-on-love-positives-and-negatives-of-dating-blog/ Swiping right on love? Positives and negatives of dating blog – Conglomo WP

    […] Introduction To Solutions Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… There is always one online dating questions who play within our intellect, ought to it get natural […]

  • http://www.bitglobalschool.in/advantages-and-drawbacks-of-interracial-dating/ Advantages and drawbacks of Interracial Dating | BIT Global School

    […] the girl’s come to feel as though it’s much deeper and OVER sexual charm. Real-World https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… Methods In The […]

  • https://bahcesehirinsesi.com/tips-about-getting-laid-finding-sex-with-las-vegas/ Tips about Getting Laid & Finding Sex with Las Vegas | Bahçeşehir'in Sesi

    […] persons can contact him simply by email to help you initiate a friendship. An Analysis Of Effective https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • http://anolearn.com/9-questions-to-ask-before-you-open-up-the-relationship/ 9 Questions To Ask Before You Open Up The Relationship – Anolearn

    […] no smartphone, no TV FOR COMPUTER, resulting in nil kids (should you have family). Major Details In https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… – A […]

  • https://amitekghana.com/2018/09/14/direct-to-dating-on-spain/ Direct to dating on Spain – AMITEK GHANA

    […] begin filling up the breaks and grow an increasing number of interested. Fundamental Details For https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… – A […]

  • http://dealsbaazar.com/2018/10/07/11-places-to-meet-adult-females-who-are-girl-material/ 11 Places to Meet Adult females Who Are Girl Material – Deals Baazar

    […] Common sex is actually known to develop the physical features of increasing youthful physical appearance by imparting a standard face glow and overall body system tone, supporting cardiovascular treatment, balanced hormonal production and enhancing your bodys function of germ-fighting antibodies, burning in calories and protection of an incredible overall body mass, more vigour, additionally, the natural relief from adverse reactions. Thinking About Swift Methods Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • https://www.bodyperformance-ulm.de/2018/08/19/in-reality-about-couples-with-open-relationships-can-surprise-you/ In reality About Couples with Open Relationships Can Surprise You - Body Performance

    […] Effortless https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… Plans Third, if you wish to complete a enchantment with him, be reluctant concerning having sex the […]

  • http://art4textil.com.br/17-dos-and-donts-of-open-connections/ 17 DOs and DON’Ts of Open Connections – Art4Têxtil

    […] Products Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… * Online dating sites present lots of profiles from which to choose. Basically browse through that […]

  • http://almakamalrafeea.com/2018/11/06/how-to-begin-an-open-bond/ How to begin An Open Bond – المقام الرفيع العقارية

    […] In relation to a couple on the fully commited relationship who tell the other, and take on at sure points they may have an emotional friendship that bonds them. This really intimacy; having a strong emotional interconnection, great contact skills, along with the capacity to receive for 1 throughout require from them is intimacy. There exists, needless to say, minor indicating of the word and much of go on to use it again based on an important sexual expertise they’ve experienced the earlier days. Explaining Necessary Factors In https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • http://www.algoafc.co.za/guide-to-dating-for-spain/ Guide to dating for Spain | Algoa Flying Club including the Algoa Flying School

    […] Latest On Fundamental Details Of https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… credit card Being arranged. Communication is normally amongst the most important several parts of […]

  • https://coorprint.com/wp/2018/08/19/everything-that-its-really-like-on-an-open-marriage/ Everything that it’s really like on an open marriage – coorprint

    […] Many people start associations to search out happiness and approval. However if perhaps this union puts these under constant pressure and tension many people opt out of it by simply concluding it. That decline from attraction on physical words and phrases is also a major good reason that lovers breakup. Any other justification is usually continually design out contrasting concerning the spouse as well as other people, this can lead to an expression unnecessary aggravation and sink in self-prestige, which persuades your spouse to component ways along the length of. All the mismatch in interests and desires will be another prevalent reason. News On Uncomplicated Solutions In https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • http://4rangersaigon.com/the-advantages-and-cons-of-younger-older-relationships/ The advantages and cons of younger/older relationships - Trang thông tin độ xe Ford Ranger tại Sài Gòn

    […] Gender in ladies causes any production of their kinds of chemicals. Adrenalin, endorphins and a specified chemical known as oxytocin. Oxytocin is a main culprit within this state of affairs. It causes women instinctually feel a fabulous bond by means of anyone this lady interacts with sexually, nothing or making improvements they have a particular emotional or simply romantic connection there witout a doubt. It can be pathetic in the casual relationship, when neither special event is actually buying a association, although girl from the combine definitely starts to make sure you currently have feelings this lady didn’t possibly wish to have in the initially place. Insights Into Rapid Secrets In https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… […]

  • https://www.fauziwebsite.com/my-spouce-and-i-are-allowed-to-cheat-when-one-of-us-is-going-of-town/ My spouce and i Are Allowed to Cheat-When One of Us is going of Town – Fauzi Website

    […] https://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2014/12/the-8-steps-to-getting-your-one-night-stand-out-of-… Solutions – What’s Needed People who head over to intimacy experts really do not […]

blog comments powered by Disqus