1. Do You Kiss Your Mother with that Mouth?
Premise: 20-something men (who probably wear snapbacks and are obsessed with 1000 Ways to Die, let’s be real) have to stand in front of a panel of women that includes their mother, and maybe their grandmother too for good measure, and read the disgusting things they say to women on Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish etc., out loud. There are no winners, no losers (sort of), just pure embarrassment and a little bit of gratification from watching those skeezy, gross dudes squirm.
2. Real Life Read Receipts.
Premise: Hidden cameras follow around the guy or girl that the player is currently seeing and shows what they’re actually up to when they aren’t texting back. Points (maybe money? I don’t know I’m not Simon Cowell I’m just annoyed when my phone isn’t going off and I feel like it should be) are given to the oblivious person if they are honest about what they’re doing.
Why? Because we’re all crazy and paranoid and you know people would not only become obsessed with it but would be CLAWING to get on the show.
3. Fargo: Not Like the Damn Movie.
Premise: Exactly the same as Laguna Beach just instead of tan, blonde, beach loving LC you have fake-and-bake, also blonde, ice-scraping-the-windshield-of-her-Honda Katelin. Or Kelsey…I feel like there are a lot of Kelseys in Fargo. Follow those teens around while they learn how to drive on black ice, wear copious amounts of Aeropostale and Uggs, and talk shit about each other over knoephla soup at Kroll’s diner. Special guest stars include Josh Duhamel and Fergie every time they’re forced to fly through on their way to Minot.
The Midwest is a hilarious place that is really inaccurately represented in the media. Even without the stereotypes, which admittedly exist for a reason, it’d make good TV. If people (not myself included…okay absolutely myself included I fucking love Alana) watched the train wreck that was Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, they would ABSOLUTELY watch teenagers duke it out in 70 below with wind chill.
4. Not Always Right.
Premise: Stolen from the website of the same name, similar concept hidden cameras will catch customers behaving badly in restaurants, boutiques, bars, spas, wherever really, they just catch them acting like assholes to people in the service industry. These people then have to watch themselves and explain their behavior not only to the person they were incredibly rude to, but to a panel of their peers. You know that shopgirls, bartenders and waitresses would be all over this.
I think some people genuinely get off on being dicks to other people, especially when they know that those people can’t fight back. It’d be really awesome to be able to hold them accountable to a certain extent.
5. Preteens and Rodeo Queens.
Premise: Exactly like Toddlers and Tiaras but in the cutthroat but equally as excessive, expensive, and ridiculous world of adolescent horse shows. The tears, the arguments, the sequins and spandex shirts, the accidents that occur when there is a 1000-pound animal involved. Trust: it’s drama city.
6. Replies Frequently.
Okay. I got a little obsessed with Lauren Urasek after the New York Magazine article about her ran and it made me read a lot more articles about OkCupid than I’d care to admit. But I really would be curious to see what the “most messaged” or “most popular” woman and man from different cities looks like, lives like, and dates like. So here’s what you’d do.
Premise: Find the most messaged individual (man or woman, straight or gay) on OkCupid in a different city and follow them around for a week. See what they’re actually like, what their dates are actually like. Single 20-somethings are the majority, they’re relatable, and they’re kind of fascinating. Plus we’re all nosy AF and want to know what other people are doing, whether we know them in real life or not.
7. You’re a Stupid Bitch.
(Sassy gay friend anyone? Anyone??)
Premise: Conservative, Mormon, or just generally religious girls who would have unapologetically supported Prop 8 get a stereotypical gay best friend for a week. Think Wife Swap, Drag U, Queer Eye. She’ll not only get confronted with makeovers, ruthless fashion critiques, and a crash course introduction to Grindr and gay clubbing, but maybe she’ll also learn a thing or two about the LGBTQ community and walk away a more open minded person. (Awwwww).
What are some shows (other than cameras following you and your friends around because we ALL think we deserve a reality show because we’re sooooo #funny) that you wish existed?