How To Eloquently Disappoint Your Parents


Parents: When are you going to get a job you f*** up?!

Answer: Tomorrow, yesterday or next spring time. One can not know what these days may bring, only that the moon and stars are certain and that life and my career are forever in the hands of a forgiving stranger.

Parents: Are you going to class?

Answer: Maybe, possibly. When the morning sun breaks over the horizon we will know what my decision holds. Until then, one can not know what may happen on morrow. I could live, I could die, I may smile or I may cry. Fin.

Parents: You’re dropping out of college?!

Answer: Tis. For my passions lie in the sweet expanse of this uncertain thing called life, I can no longer be bound by the relentless chains of conformity, but must break free like a tender dove, spreading it’s delicate wings to soar into unknown paths.

Parents: You knocked a girl up?! You Idiot!”

Answer: It is I who have penetrated into the delicate center of the woman I love. Now the greatest challenge of all will be my ability to care for another soul that will be cast upon this earth through the miracle of life. I ask only of you to share in babysitting this miracle three times a week my dear, sweet parents.

Parents: You failed a test?!

Answer: Yes. The challenges the world is putting on my mind have weighed down my soul, crippling my ability to comprehend even the smallest of tasks, let alone a chemistry test. But does this mean failure? One can not know. One can not know what life brings when the noontide breaks.

Parents: You’re becoming a stripper?!

Answer: My body has now become a tool in which to provide. To dance in a beautiful motion that will cause men to become dizzy in it’s wake, to express through movement, to bring light through the darkness, that is all I wish to accomplish. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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