Having control is a big deal for me. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something or that I “have it all together.” Having that responsibility isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, and on the outside, maybe it’s a skill people think is good to have. It isn’t.
When I was a teenager, I had this outlook on what my life would pan out to be once I became a full-fledged adult. I’d have my 20s to get my shit together and experience things I like and don’t like. Well, that is mostly true, but also not at the same time.
Do any of us ever have our shit together 100%? I don’t think so. We have this notion that everyone else knows exactly what they want and achieves what they want with ease—blame it on social media. Just realizing that that’s not the case is a small step in the right direction. Looking back, my 20s seemed like a blur, a rollercoaster ride of parties and college graduation and this and that in between. My 30s may not be perfect either, but at least I’m now aware of that and I choose to let life take me where it needs to take me.
This leads me to my struggle with anxiety. The constant overthinking, the constant self-doubt, and the constant stress of not being good enough. Hell, what IS good enough? I’ve been told that being in your 30s means that a person can finally be at peace and not care as much anymore. A person has figured out what it means to be an adult and has more security in their life. I’m 30 and I do feel that, but at the same time, I feel like I’m starting out on a brand new path. I’m now ready now to believe in myself and start the journey of knowing I have doubts, but coping with them the best I can. There isn’t a “perfect” time in anyone’s life to have security or an awakening of self-awareness, it just takes time and recognition to do so. I am fully aware that my 30s are going to be great because I want them to be great, and just knowing that is enough for me.
Life is way too short for any of us to not love ourselves, and recognizing that is a small step for mankind with depression, anxiety or just plain old self-doubt. You got this!