You Don’t Get To Decide What My Sexuality Means


You would think that in the year 2017, understanding that someone’s sexual orientation and identity is theirs and theirs alone would be simple.

But it isn’t.

As someone who grew up in an open-minded family, it was an easy concept for me to understand.

If someone identifies as a male and asks you to call them by he/him pronouns, you do it (and vice versa).

It’s not up to me to question their biological background or what they choose to identify as. I thought was a simple idea — until I grew up.

I will not speak on the struggles of the Trans brothers and sisters in the LGBT+ community, nor will I say my struggles are the equivalent. I will also not say that what I have had to face is the same as others, and is more/less important. I have one view, one story, and that is all.

I am bisexual.

A statement that is either followed by acceptance, or more often than not, hatred.

Hatred not just by heterosexuals, but the LGBT community too.

Being bisexual is great. I have an attraction to both males and females. So I guess people are right when they say I have a “bigger dating pool.”

But what they’re wrong about is…

1. My bisexuality meaning I’m more likely to cheat. A sexual orientation doesn’t make you a cheater, being a cheater does that.

2. My bisexuality makes me confused. Nope, I’m pretty certain that men and women are both hot. Nothing confusing about that.

3. My bisexuality makes me not gay enoughI’m not half straight/half gay. I’m bisexual. I’m the B in LGBT+. Ask my friends, I am pretty damn gay. Just because I don’t fit into your stereotype of what being gay looks like, doesn’t mean I am any more or less gay than the next person.

4. My bisexuality making me some sort of sexual object. Yes, I like women. No, I am not going to make out with my girlfriends because some guy thinks it’s “hot.” I kiss who I want, for my pleasure and no one else’s.

5. My bisexuality changes depending on what relationship I’m in. No. I am bisexual when I am dating a girl and I am bisexual when I am dating a guy. I don’t change. My sexual attraction, my identity, doesn’t change.

I’m not “straight at the moment” or “gay at the moment,” depending on who I’m seeing. I’m not gayer or less gay depending on who I’m dating. Regardless of the gender of the person I fall in love with, I am still going to be bisexual.

But most importantly, people are wrong about thinking they have a say over my identification.

I am bisexual.

It has taken me over twenty years of my life to come to terms with it and to embrace it, and I’m not going to let some guy at the bar who calls me the F word take that away from me.

I’m not going to let myself feel like I’m less than because I don’t fit into a box society tries to put me in.

I am who I am and I love her.

Identities are personal. The only person who gets to decide them is the person with that identity.

Identities are also fluid. Just like with time, our minds expand and grow, and our identities do the same.

If someone tells you they like apples and oranges, you don’t get to tell them they only like apples. Just like if I tell you I like men and women, you don’t get to tell me I only like one.

I like both.

I’m happy liking both.

No one gets to take that away from me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I love dogs, maybe too much.

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