There was a feeling of certainty when we first collided. I don’t know how or why you seemed so familiar to me or why it felt like I was getting to know myself by getting to know you. Was it the sound of your voice the first time I heard it, or could it be the deep dark crevices of your inner thoughts where I found myself lurking, feeling and owning similar thoughts? Was it the hours we spent laughing at each other’s inside jokes with other people that we were never a part of? Or was it the mornings that followed, when all we could think of was each other?
Something about us felt so innocent back then. Time became irrelevant. It felt so right. Have I met you in another time, a different place, some other existence?
I know you felt the same. It scared me too.
I’ve wondered where it all went wrong. I’ve wanted to sit for hours dissecting the conversations that we never had but it was always obvious where we were headed. Something so intense is meant for people who were ready. Whether it was timing, circumstance or anger, this chapter was already written for us by someone who understood us so much better than we understand ourselves. They knew we had a journey to make alone. We had no choice. It had to happen that way.
I saw in myself what I’d always saw in you. Someone who struggled to feel loved, a child that once felt abandoned, a mind that can be so self-destructive yet so deep and intuitive.
When you meet the person destined to challenge you, you find a sense of self-focus and self-awareness that you’d never experienced nor understood. The realization that there are unhealed parts of myself that I abandoned is so intense that it couldn’t have been a coincidence that you come hurtling into my life at the exact same time with no warning or no sense.
There’s something so beautiful in having known you. You caused me all kinds of chaos, yet all kinds of joy.
While it was the end of our story, it signaled the beginning of another. My own. You were sent to me so that I can face my demons and heal the parts of me that I’d masked. Those parts that were so ugly, I had to tackle them without judgment, without compromise and ultimately, without you.
You were the hero in my story and you’ll never even realize. Because of you, I can now look forward to turning the pages of my own story.