In the beginning, I grieved. Once I realized that you no longer desired to speak to me, I was (obviously) upset. Some people drift slowly, but others pull the plug before you even have a chance to catch your breath. No matter which person you are, the pain of your absence was still present.
As days turned into months and months turned into years, I wondered what your life looked like. I wondered if you ever thought about what mine looked like.I considered what my life would look like if you hadn’t walked away.
There were moments when my mind would venture off into darker places. I would begin to question if you would show up to the hospital if I were in a car accident or if I had gotten ill. Although I always shrugged the thought away quickly, in the back of my mind I couldn’t fight that little voice that whispered “No”.
During the good moments of my life and during the bad moments, I wished that I would be able to one day share my stories with you. I wondered if there would come a time when we would be able to sit down and catch up.
But eventually, all of that changed.
Eventually, I found that my identity and my self-worth did not stem from the idea that someone may not want to know me. I realized that my identity and self-worth was not based on anyone else’s opinion except for mine and God’s.
Do you want to know what else I realized?
I realized that it is okay that you don’t want to know me. I realized that it’s okay that you don’t like me. I realized that there are going to be people in this world who are not going to like me, and that’s okay.
I also realized that although you may not like me and although you may not want to know me, I will always still care. And I will always still be there for you, if ever needed.
For years, I thought the idea of having a kind heart made me weak. I thought that forgiving people easily was a bad quality, but I have learned to embrace that part of myself. I have found that a forgiving heart is actually a blessing, and I am prepared to extend that forgiveness to anyone who has ever hurt me or who will ever hurt me.
A forgiving heart does not make you weak — it makes you strong.
God didn’t create us to live in a world where we hold onto our anger and bitterness. He created us to live in a world of forgiveness.
And I forgive you for the pain you caused me.
And if you ever need me, I’m there.