I just wanted to take care of you. I wanted
to sweep your floors, wash your dishes,
fold your laundry. I wanted to have you
warm, home cooked meals ready for you
when you got home from work.
I wanted to be comfortable with you—
have you find me in the kitchen, in my
t-shirt, panties and tall socks, baking
brownies for a late night sweet treat. Be so
into my baking that you sneak up behind me
for a hug that turns into us slow dancing to
I wanted to fight with you just to make up
that same night. I wanted to be the arms
you fell in to after a bad day. I wanted to be
the love that kept your heart safe and your
It’s not me though, not for you, and that’s
okay. It’s not you for me either.
That burning in the back of your throat, choking
down the tears. Yeah, it’s disappointing.
But it was also disappointing every time
I let you make me feel stupid. It was
disappointing every time I gave in to you
just to become confused.
You know what is not disappointing? I
learned to be more careful. Even
personalities can be deceiving. I learned
you don’t deserve my kind heart, my
warm love, or any of my efforts.
And OH MY GOSH! Do you know just
how free that makes me feel, baby? I
can spend all my time on me. I can give
all of my love to myself, and you know
what? The best part, I can save all of my efforts.
That is exactly what I will do. Save all of
my efforts until someone comes along to
match them. You see, all of things that I
wanted to do for you, they’re reciprocal.
All of those acts and feelings are to be matched.
I hope you find yours— I won’t settle for mine.