It’s Okay To Be Alone. You’ll Be Fine, I Promise.

Ivan Karasev
Ivan Karasev

I have been dating my current boyfriend for about a year now. And to be honest, he is the first boyfriend I have ever had. I graduated college last year, so I’ll let you do the math. I know what you’re thinking, “What the hell, this girl is trying to write an article about being alone and she’s already talking about her boyfriend she is just asking for someone to call her out for these absurd contradictions!”

I want you to know that this article is about my past. I was alone for a very very long time before I started dating my boyfriend. Part of this article is to give you proof that there’s hope at the end of the dark, lonely, single tunnel. But it’s also to let people know that finding a significant other is not always the ultimate goal. That it really is all right to be alone.

When I tell people I’ve never had a boyfriend before him, I usually get reactions like “Wait, what? HOW?” or “You’re like, really pretty.” I’m not quite sure why I was single for so long. But then again, I kind of do know. I would hook up with guys I “thought” I liked, but in all reality, were just guys who sparked my interest at the moment.

I was naïve and I knew I was. But hey, college is a campus full of naivety – like literally, there is a campus full of people just as naïve as me. I would get drunk just to act stupid and wake up with inevitable regret. But it was fun at the time and that’s what made it so great.

Going to a small campus, hooking up with someone was usually a topic people took interest in. Weird, right? (I’m rolling my eyes as I type this). I’m making myself sound like a slut, but in all reality, this is how most millennials live nowadays. From hook-up to hook-up. We’re all looking for love, right? Well being the not-so-lucky person that I am, I never found it with any of those guys. It kind of sucked. I mean, rejection never feels good. I would find multiple ways to make myself noticed, hoping I would run into them just so I would have the opportunity to not make eye contact – to let them know what they were missing. I’m sure my sweatpants really did it for them.

My roommate had a long term boyfriend. My best friend from home had one, too. I didn’t know many people my age who had never had a boyfriend, and I think that scared me. Two of my close friends were in very similar situations as me, which made it easy to joke about, but deep down I always wondered if I would ever find someone.

I mean, really, 22 years old and you can’t find a single human to take interest in you? Of course I thought something was wrong with me. But you know how people always tell you that super cliché thing about how “you’ll find someone once you stop looking?” This kind of happened to me and I’m very annoyed by it.

The guy I’m dating now, I’ve actually known him since my freshman year… and funny story, we had our first kiss the NIGHT before graduation. On his birthday, of all days. Like come on, I am pissed at how cliché that is.

Let me say it again for you: I was single for 22 years, and I turned out completely fine. I could have stayed single longer, and I would still have been fine. I promise you will be too!

Maintaining a relationship with not only my boyfriend, but my friends on top of that, is hard work. And on top of all the school work and papers I had to write. I am SO happy I didn’t have a boyfriend while I was in school. Whenever I wasn’t doing homework, I could spend time with my friends, and for that I am truly thankful — there are a lot of people I won’t see for a long time, or possibly ever again.

My roommate and her boyfriend broke up, by the way. They were together for 7 years. Our lives completely flip-flopped. Now she’s alone, and you know what? She’ll be okay, too. Whether you’re single your whole life, or trying to remember how to be single after a long-term relationship, you really just have to remember one thing: at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves, anyway. TC mark

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