A Beautiful, Complicated, Mess Of A Friendship

An unknown number pops up. It’s you. You need me to clean up the mess she created, the wreckage only I know how to repair. Jealousy separated us because we always wanted different things. Time passed and curiosity led to messages that should never have been sent, accidental phone calls that were strategically planned. The lines made so clear by friendship were blurred that summer. I needed you to just be there, but sadly you had ulterior motives. You always did. It was always the memories clouding my judgement. The nice memories overshadowed the clarity I had when I made the decision to walk away.

Then I remember you trying to teach me to drive your manual car, laughing as I failed miserably. The candles I bought on our trips to the mall whipping across the back seat because you drove like you were in a video game.

Movie nights with your favorite movies. Secretly, I knew you loved that I made you watch Dirty Dancing.

“Did you get home safely?” texts and lengthy phone calls. You always had a way of making me feel like the prettiest girl in the room.

Summer nights spent walking beside you while you mindlessly swiped right. I was right there. It felt obvious to me. I mean, we already fought like an old married couple. Maybe we got too comfortable to even try. It was a pattern, on and off like a light switch, up and down like a yo-yo. Exhaustion inevitably took over.

We don’t talk anymore. Everything happens for a reason and with age has come some serious wisdom. It’s become so abundantly clear that you and I would never have been magic. That being said, in the time spent without you in my life I have had the space in my mind to reflect on us and I realized something quite valuable: You loved me. You may not have been in love with me, but you loved me for who I was and you actually, truly cared and that’s something I wish I hadn’t taken for granted. You even said those three words to my face time and time again and I let them slip past me every time.

It was a beautiful, complicated mess and I hope you are doing well.

I am a chocoholic and a hopeless romantic.

Keep up with Kelsey on Instagram and thoughtcatalog.com