I recently moved up north after living in the Deep South for over 22 years. Here are a few things I’ve noticed in my short time as a northeastern resident.
1. Chick-fil-A, anyone?
I never used to like fast food that much. I wouldn’t consider myself a health nut (let’s be honest, I’m a Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese kind of gal), but I was certainly not running through the drive through every week for waffle fries. Now that I’m a stone’s throw away from Canada, I’m seriously craving the greasy, buttery goodness that is known as a chicken biscuit. Google says the closest Chick-fil-A is 4 hours from my house, and with car keys in hand I seriously consider how crazy it would be to drive 300 miles for chicken.
2. What’s wrong with dishwashers?
Maybe this one is just me, but after viewing several apartments within this state that do NOT contain dishwashers, I want to know- what’s the deal? Is this a southern only staple? Seriously, people. Dishwashers make life so much easier and give you so much more free time. Also, while we’re on the subject of kitchen equipment, what are your feelings on garbage disposals…? I take it they aren’t positive.
3. No apartment complexes
I didn’t realize it until very recently, but there are no apartment complexes in this state. In the south, you are inundated with complex after complex and you grow numb to their existence. Up here streets are filled with houses. Big, old, Twilight Zone type houses that are broken up into apartments. Again, what’s the deal? Something about the sight of house after house makes me feel uneasy. Like they are watching me. I am beginning to understand how Stephen King was able to find inspiration here.
4. There can’t be that many fires…
After graduating college I lived in Atlanta for a couple of years. I never heard as many sirens in that metropolis as I hear in this 35,000 person town. There are a limited number of people in this area – there just can’t be that many fires or cats stuck in trees. My neighbors tell me it’s the beginning of summer, so heat exhaustion in senior citizens is on the rise. I nod my head and smile stupidly at them. Apparently there are a ton of senior citizens in this town.
5. Rednecks are everywhere
The other night I was able to enjoy the sounds of my across the street neighbors fighting on their front porch. She told him not to “touch her cousin like that” to which he so kindly replied, “Hand me my beer and get out of my face, woman.” She responded “get off my property you dumb (expletive deleted), Ralph!” and that was that. Let me mention that this is the same neighbor who waters his garden in pajama pants at three in the afternoon. Rednecks are not limited to the south, my friends. They are everywhere.
6. I miss air conditioning
90 degree heat is unbearable. But you know what comes with 90 degree heat and 110% humidity, right? Air conditioning. Sweet, sweet air conditioning. I’ve never thought I would miss it as much as I do right now. My neighbors say you don’t really need it, except for the end of June and beginning of July, but I disagree with them. Air conditioning is something you need all of the time, along with Chick-fil-A chicken biscuits.