Guys and gals, we all have an inner b*tch in us.
It comes out when we’re hangry, annoyed, or stressed out, and we often can’t help it. We unleash our b*tchy power on the unsuspecting people around us. It ruins friendships, jobs, sucks the happiness out of our lives, and makes the cashier at the bagel shop less likely to throw you a free one now and then.
While there will come opportunities in life where you need to embrace your inner b*tch, there’s a lot you can do to keep it at bay when you just need to be a happier and/or chill person in your day-to-day life. Trust us, people will thank you.
1. Drink a glass of water … or three.
Hey, stop yelling! You’re probably super dehydrated. Remember how Michelle Obama told you to drink 96 ounces of water a day? Yeah that’s a lot, but drinking a few glasses gives your body what it actually needs to run.
2. Eat a snack.
Also, you’re probably hungry. Stop letting low blood sugar get the best of you.
3. Listen to some rain sounds.
Seriously. You know how rain sounds awesome? Next time you feel close to a b*tch-out, pull up a noisemaker and just listen for a bit. It’ll be okay.
4. Do some deep thinking.
Why are you being a b*tch? Is it truly necessary? Are you accomplishing anything? Little do you know, the number one source of b*tchiness is not looking at yourself and actually thinking about what you’re doing. Truth bomb.
5. Understand your own emotions.
Once you’re done with that deep thinking, actually process what you’ve learned about yourself. Teach yourself about how you react to situations. Once you know what brings out the b*tch in you, you might not react so harshly next time.
6. Have a laugh.
Did you know it’s actually impossible to be a b*tch when you’re happy? That’s just science.* Call someone who makes you laugh or read your favorite dumb Twitter feed. Just laugh, damnit. Life is too short.
*Not real science, but probably true.
7. Quit riling yourself up.
You know those times when you’re so annoyed you just keep getting into a vicious cycle of complaining? The more you complain, the more you feel justified in complaining. All your friends keep telling you how right you are, or how badly you were treated. So, you talk and talk and talk about the situation repeatedly. Stop it. You’re feeding your own ego. Get over it.
8. Keep a journal of your b*tchiest moments.
Unlock your inner middle schooler and go back to your journaling days. Buy a Lisa Frank diary and matching pen. Every time you start acting like a b*tch, write it down and note why you got mad or annoyed. See a pattern? Next time check yourself and stop repeating bad behavior.
Wow, yet another thing you need to do to live! Like the glasses of water you’re not drinking, breathing makes your body feel great and that in turn puts you in a healthy head space. When you’re mad, do a deep inhale for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale for eight seconds. Rinse and repeat until you’re less of a b*tch.
10. Give the benefit of the doubt.
What a beautiful gift, not always expecting the worst of someone! Maybe if you give someone the benefit of the doubt, next time you think they’ve wronged you, they might be inclined to do the same for you when you act rudely.
11. Forgive and forget.
Yeah, you heard me. Did that person get your Starbucks order wrong? Someone walking too slow on the sidewalk? Coworker not email you back? Forgive them; you’re not the center of the universe.
12. Ask for something.
Don’t demand, ask! And maybe even say please. It’s just basic manners and it’ll actually make you feel better for being a better person.
13. Hug yourself.
You don’t have to do it in public, but when things aren’t great for you and you want to act yucky because of it, go into the nearest bathroom and give yourself a hug. Everything’s going to be okay, buddy.
14. Spend some time alone.
You don’t always need someone around to be your sounding board. Go home and chill out with yourself. If you can’t even do this, you clearly know you’re being a b*tch. Fix yourself because that’s not cool.
15. Watch a kitten video.
Just do it. You know you’ll like it.
16. Know yourself.
Know your body and your emotions. Know what makes you anxious, stressed and scared. Know that not everyone is out to get you. Know what foods aren’t really lunch material. Know what treats get you through the day. Learn these things, write them down, and take them to heart.