You had his phone number memorized almost like it was imprinted on the back of your eyes. You saw his car everywhere you went. You heard his favourite song every time you turned on the radio. Your friends always wanted to eat at the restaurants where the two of you were regulars, unknowingly of course. It was like reliving a dream over and over again, all you had left were those memories, those moments. It was all tainted. You couldn’t listen to your favourite songs for a long time after him. They left a bad taste in your mouth. Every lyric transported you back, every time.
Your first instinct was to change your hair, to dye it, to cut it, anything. It was like attempting to wash him out of your mind. Allowing those memories you once cherished to drain down the sink with the residue of your new hair colour. You needed change and you needed it now.
You thought it would never end, you didn’t notice the signs, or maybe you ignored them. You ignored your gut when it told you something wasn’t right, something was different. Maybe if you just avoid these changes, they’ll go away. After all, this is forever. Or so you thought.
Until it’s not.
Until his words cut you like a dull knife when he says ” This isn’t what I want, I’m sorry, we can still be friends”.
How incredibly inconsiderate to assume that despite your newly broken heart, you could maintain a friendship. But, this is just what people say when the uncomfortable silence becomes too much to bare, when there’s simply nothing left to say. No one ever actually means it and you knew friendship after heartbreak never worked anyways.
First love is unlike any other and sadly neither is first heartbreak. ” Life goes on” as the saying goes, and so did yours. Yet still, he swarmed your mind like a song on repeat with no off button in sight. Round and round the memories would go like a ride that you couldn’t seem to get off of. Everything flooded your mind day in and day out … until..
Until it didn’t anymore. As the days passed, like time heals everything; the song stopped, the ride was over. Suddenly you could go to those restaurants again , you could play those beloved songs, you could see his car and not feel sadness and you stopped picturing the future you thought you would of had with him. In fact , you felt happiness because he did you a favour. He let you go. You weren’t his to keep.
You are meant for someone who recognizes how amazing you are immediately and decides you are worth the effort and cherishes having you in their life. Someone who recognizes that they would be an absolute fool to ever let you walk out the door.
So please; whether it’s first love, second, third or fourth love- don’t sit and wonder where you went wrong or what you did to drive him away. Don’t drive yourself insane wondering why he couldn’t love you back, especially when you treated him like gold. You can never make someone see what they have, they have to figure it out on their own and they either will or they won’t. Don’t waste your mind space wishing he never let you go,
Thank him instead.