My amazing father once told me “If you’re lucky , you’ll be able to count on one hand – the number of true friends you’ll have in your lifetime.” Now, growing up I didn’t fully understand this. Everyone is your friend when you’re younger and there are no real problems or opinions that differ from theirs. But as I grew, I saw what he meant.
Each year, I would lose a friend, who was usually dangling on the outskirts to begin with, but nevertheless it was like a breakup but more confusing. At least with breakups, there’s usually a reason and a clear understanding that you won’t be in each other’s lives moving forward.
When a friendship ends, it’s socially acceptable to ghost the former friend. Just disappear slowly with no real trace, no explanations, just radio silence.
It’s easier this way. It’s also messed up. In some cases this person spent 24/7 with you and/or talking to you just months before and now they’re gone. Until you awkwardly run into them somewhere and don’t know whether to pretend you don’t see them or wave like a moron.
Then I realized; these people aren’t meant to spend forever with you. Just like relationships are sometimes only brought our way to teach us something valuable, so are friendships.
This person came into your life when you both needed something only the other could offer and once that was fulfilled, it was done. It didn’t make sense at the time, but looking back you see.
This sounds sad but I promise it isn’t. See, friendships are like a revolving door, when one leaves, another walks in. Whether it’s the friend you’ve known your whole life or the amazing woman you met last year- they are filling a void for a timeframe or if you’re lucky, forever.
As you get older, your circle becomes smaller but, this is not a negative thing. This is just a sign of maturity and growth because as you get older, you have less tolerance for bull shit.
You begin to understand who supports your every move, whether they agree with it or not, they see that it makes you happy and recognize that it’s your life, not theirs. At the same time, they should be able to call you out when you’re clearly in the wrong. There should be no jealousy, no petty behavior, no hateful words and no belittling. You should not feel superior to your friends, you should treat each other as equals.
Friendships are designed to be a 50/50 effort. If you are the friend who is always making the attempts to communicate and plan, always the friend asking how the other is and checking in on their life: drop that friendship like it’s hot.
You will find your core group of men and women who will be your shoulder to cry on and the reason your mascara is running from tears of laughter. You know the ones I’m talking about, the people who boost you up and remind you how amazing you are and just how special you are to them.
Personally I’m blessed to have a few solid women in my life who have helped shaped who I am today in the best possible way.
And just like with relationships, you should never settle with friendships that aren’t right for you. At the end of the day it comes down to how these people are making you feel, is their energy a positive influence or are they trying to bring you down?
Remember: Misery loves company. If you were being mistreated by a boyfriend, you would leave. It’s no different with friendships. Recognize who brings light into your life and who is toxic.