I Never Want To Be Unemployed Ever Again

No, it’s not because of the money. It’s that I turn into a complete stranger that I barely recognize.

Instead of the happy college graduate that I’m supposed to be, I turn into a middle-aged woman wearing large t-shirts and dark circles. Suddenly looking good is no longer necessary, especially when you realize you don’t need to meet anyone who might cringe at the sight of food stuck in your hair.

Yo-yo dieting slowly infiltrates my life. I eat. A lot. Then I feel guilty and diet. And then I eat again. It doesn’t help when the food I eat comes from McDonald’s or the nearest cake shop. There’s a reason why these are called comfort foods, and it becomes painfully clear. They make you feel better about yourself when you believe you’ve got a sign that says ‘The Biggest Loser In the World’ plastered across your forehead. As far as I know, Ronald McDonald doesn’t judge. He welcomes you, young or old, fat or skinny, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, into his arms with that endearing smile. Fitting into the pretty, professional pencil skirt that I bought two months ago is the least of my concerns. I say to myself, ‘Well, I don’t need to wear that anyway.’ For now, at least.

Most friends tell me that I’m lucky to be doing nothing at all while they slave their butts off at work. They say I get to do things I enjoy doing, like shopping and watching new episodes of Glee. But how can I tell them that I have grown bored of all these activities, the same ones I used to struggle making time for in the past? I miss the thrill of anticipating the next episode of Desperate Housewives. I don’t enjoy sitting around, waiting for the next episode to be released like I have nothing better to do. Oh wait, that’s right. I don’t have anything to do.

And then there are those who ask rhetorical, snide questions like, “Are you still bumming around?” As I have faith that the most basic decency a person could have towards another person is to ask ‘How are you?’, and mean it, I find it appalling how people you barely talk to are suddenly extra concerned about whether or not you have found a job. And it doesn’t stop there. These people give you their false versions of consolation when your answer is a ‘No.’ This is where Mr. Hyde comes out from nowhere, again and again. The Dr. Jekyll inside me used to be able to look past people who ask such condescending questions and pretend they’re talking in a foreign language. Suddenly, I evolve from the approachable person I used to be into this bitter bitch who frowns at people I’d later refer to as “judgy.”

And the worst part about being unemployed? It comes when your parents have you under their roof, eating their cereal and using their gas, and still not saying anything about it. Avoiding the topic. These are the hopeful people who invested in my education, believing there will be positive returns after a decade or two. But it suddenly seems like they just flushed their money down the toilet. I can hear the whooshing sound in my ears.

I am grateful — but so remorseful, so full of regret. It’s the most awful combination of feelings a person could have, because it further confirms the sign on your forehead that says ‘The Biggest Loser in the World,’ the sign everyone can see, that you can feel burning into your skin. And I know, for one, that I am anything but a loser. 
And for that, I tell myself, I’ll never want to be unemployed again. Ever. TC mark


image – Sean


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    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment […]

  • Hobo Brown

    I feel you on everything

  • http://gravatar.com/eringooddesign Erin Good

    I’m in the EXACT same boat. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Beautifully written.

    Keep your head up, things have to get better for us sooner or later, right?

  • http://gravatar.com/w4ynebo Jim

    Definitely know that struggle. It’ll get getter. Someday.

  • margot

    Some time during all the nothing I’ve been doing all week?

    • Sara

      Hahaha exactly! I feel the same way unfortunately :/

  • http://www.livinlavidacoco.com coco

    Truthy truth! I too miss my cute pencil skirt. And can’t wait to burn my yoga pants (aka my unemployment uniform). At least we’ve both are harnessing the ennui and getting some good blogs out of it. Although I fear I’m getting a drinking problem out of it too. Cheers!

  • Susie Derkins

    Just make sure whatever job you do find is productive and semi-meaningful, or you’ll find yourself questioning your worth all over again, but this time in between all the other meaningless stuff you have to do.

  • Penelope

    . “They say I get to do things I enjoy doing, like shopping and watching new episodes of Glee.” As a recent unemployed college graduate drowning in debt, I have no money to go shopping and instead of watching new episodes of Glee I spend my nights drafting cover letters and resumes for dozens of employers. Ahem, applying for jobs in a less than welcoming economy is a full time job! It’s a full-time job that doesn’t offer any benefits nor does it pay a dime. Welcome to unglamorous life of job seekers.

  • http://www.senior1938voice-mylife.com Nicasio Martinez

    When media told us we were entering into the ‘information age’– the age of info technology, we were distracted away from all the closing of manufacturing plants, telephone information computer services eliminated even more millions of jobs, everything was going computer, even smart toothbrushes, the making of tires and automobiles were rolled out and driven from the USA. Now think of all the supportives jobs and services that keep manufacturing and industrial industries going. Professionals in many ways and forms have given way to outsourcing anything and everything.

    I hope too you would never be unemployed again, and I hope one day we will demand a return to all businesses who now compete against themselves, producing good and services abroad to ship back to the USA. I had hard days in my work history, but I loved what I did, carpentry, cabinetmaking, some community service work and office work too. We need full employment for all who want to work and a living wage too.

  • http://thisfascination.wordpress.com thisfascination

    So true! This past week, I’ve just started getting out of unemployment (I snagged a part-time internship … so at least it’s something getting me out of the house) after a 2 month stint of being laid-off from my first real job out of college. I related to just about every single word of this. You were me, like, last week.

  • LIS

    I get what you’re feeling ….. BUT you could have at least volunteered your time somewhere.

  • Mel

    Geez, these things are getting boring. I used to look forward to reading them and commenting, lately I can’t even get through one. What happen to the talent?

  • brandon

    “These are the hopeful people who invested in my education, believing there will be positive returns after a decade or two. But it suddenly seems like they just flushed their money down the toilet.”

    Maybe if you actually worked for the cost of your education you would have appreciated it more and worked harder afterwards instead of falling victim to your parents credit cards and savings.

  • kat

    i’ve been unemployed for 7 months now.. this sums up how i feel

  • Einstein

    You’re a dick^. Do you really think the writer didn’t work hard? And this situation is by choice? May e if your parents raised you with more moral character you’d understand this writer’s situation and be more sympathetic. Maybe lack of empathy is genetics screwed up as much as it is improper examples set by parents. Either way you SUCK! Thanks :-)

  • Einstein

    That goes to Kat by the way. Thanks again!

  • Einstein

    Oops that’s to you Brandon! I messed up sorry Kat! And thanks a million again for a forum where I can post my opinion without signing 15 different goddamn forms!

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