If you’re one of the hopeless romantics with an open heart and a deep desire to love and be loved, you know that nothing comes easy. If you’re a lover, fighting the anxiety inside of your soul, you know that everything that could be easy is suddenly harder than it should be.
Loving with anxiety is more than just overthinking and feeling butterflies (or something of the sort) all the time.
It’s feeling insecure about things you have no reason to be insecure about. It’s having doubts about what they say to you–a part of you believes them and another part of you, for whatever reason, can’t.
He’s joking, he’s not serious. He’s just bored and he doesn’t really know what he wants.
It’s long nights of crying and questioning yourself and whether or not you’re worth it, if they’re worth it, or if this whole thing is worth it.
Why am I so afraid of getting too close? Should I keep a distance? Am I coming off as clingy? Am I doing too much? Am I enough?
Love isn’t supposed to be easy, but love also isn’t supposed to make you nervous. With love, there should be butterflies, not moths. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re tightening and holding your breath – there should always be a feeling of relief that overwhelms you, especially when you need it the most.
Maybe your doubts are a sign that this person isn’t the one for you. Or, maybe the doubts are all in your head.
Let me say this: You might not think so sometimes, but you are so much more than your anxiety. You are someone who sees both the good and bad in people and situations. You are a lover and you wear your heart on your sleeve.
And if you’re one of the lucky ones, you’ll find that person who understands you. If you’re a hopeless romantic with anxiety, I need you to wait for it: that one person.
I need you to wait for the person who sees that anxious side of you, when you accidentally let it slip, and show them the parts you that you’ve been too nervous to show. I need you to wait for the person who respects your fears and doubts, even if they might not understand them. I need you to wait for the person who gives you that reassurance when you need it the most. I need you to wait for the person who opens up your chest and understands that sometimes the butterflies won’t always be butterflies.
If you’re a hopeless romantic but you’re living and loving with anxiety, you know that nothing comes easy. But the thing is, nothing worth having will come easy.
The love that is meant for you will make you feel a little bit of everything, both good and bad, both ease and fear. The love that brings out a mix of everything is worth keeping–that just shows you both care enough to feel something more than the bare minimum. A love like this will remind you that you are human, loving, living, and taking things one day at a time, and anyone who puts in an effort to understand you is worth it. Wait for that.