*trigger warning: contains sexual assault content*
I was sixteen years old when I was sexually assaulted, and for years after, I struggled with who I was and what it meant to have worth.
I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and I dealt with so much insecurity that it became unbearable. I’ve gotten older and I’ve grown into my body and my strengths as a woman and I’m slowly coming out of this discomfort.
When I was eighteen years old, I started to date and be intimate with men. It was a weird time for me (as it always is your first time) and almost impossible to forget my trauma whenever someone got close to me. It became a serious thing in my relationships that was (and is!) hard to ignore and sometimes hard to talk about.
I know plenty of girls who feel the same way. We are, in our own ways, learning to be okay with who we are and what we look like. Then, someone comes around and points out our flaws and says what we’re doing wrong.
The reality is, we are shamed for being comfortable with our bodies.
Some people think it’s absurd for women, sexualized beings, to be sexual beings. You know what I mean? You get how crazy that is, right?
To them, girls and women who are (growing) comfortable in their bodies and experimenting with people are no different than a, and I quote: “page three girl without the photo–shallow” and that we are “utterly stupid” and it’s our “own fault for having expectations from someone” when it comes to sex and relationships.
Women are shamed consistently for having sex and embracing their bodies.
Let me say this loud and clear: slut shaming needs to stop.
I’ve experienced enough hurt from men to last a lifetime. They lead me on. They use me. They tell me they want to date me, get my hopes up, get me into bed with them, and then ghost me. That’s just the way it goes for me and a lot of other people, especially in the culture we are in now. And whether or not I know what their intentions are with me, I’m not stupid for wanting to be intimate with them.
What I do to my body is my choice. Don’t tell me that what I’m doing is stupid and wrong because I know this is perfectly okay. I’m proud to be a woman and a sexual being. So be it.
If we are learning to be comfortable with who we are and what we want to experience in this life, let us. Stop making us feel bad for being who we are.