I’ve never been the type of person who enjoys casual dating or hooking up with random guys I meet at a bar or something.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I just want to love one person and have that same person love me back. 

I know plenty of people who can be casual and not get attached to or emotionally invested in someone. Honestly? I’m jealous. I wish I could push away any feelings I have for someone and just exist with them with no strings or emotions attached. I don’t know how, though, because that’s not me.

I’m a hopeless romantic on a dating app and I hate it, honestly. I don’t know what to do about it.

When I moved to Brooklyn, I knew the possibilities were endless…but how? A friend convinced me to download Tinder and meet guys that way, so I did. After 45 minutes of genuinely trying, I deleted the app for good. I hated it.

My roommate then told me to download Hinge instead. Not only is Hinge aesthetically pleasing to look at, it’s full of people who are looking for more than just a casual hookup. At least that’s what I thought.

I willingly made an account and set up my page with my best photos and genuine answers to the questions that could be good conversation starters. I was excited!

At first I felt empowered. I liked having the power to reject guys after so many had rejected me in the past. It was all fun and games until a few days in to using the app and I stumbled upon a guy that made me wonder if dating apps weren’t that bad after all.

We matched and we hit it off so well that we saw each other a couple times a week for nearly a month. Then he told me he didn’t want anything labeled or anything serious. He just wanted to hookup. It didn’t work out for us.

A relationship that didn’t go well for me. Was I surprised? Not really. Was I frustrated and ready to give up on dating apps forever? Definitely.

I’m living in a hookup culture and I hate it.

Dating apps just aren’t my thing. There’s too many options (which, to be fair, is a lot like reality, but it feels different, you know?) There’s too many guys I’m not attracted to or interested in.

I want to love and be loved. I want affection, appreciation, to be gifted with flowers from time to time, to share music, to travel together, to have a best friend and a boyfriend in one person.

I don’t want to change myself or the way I dislike dating apps because I know what I want and what I don’t want.

I want to spend my time with and give my love and affection to one person. I’m a hopeless romantic and that’s just who I am.