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My Personality Map

A personality map is a bunch of different mental snippets from movies, TV shows, books, the Internet, whatever – that make up your personality as it is now. These are little things that you’ve seen or heard that have somehow made their way into your brain chemicals and stayed there forever. Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

Gay As A Unicorn

I keep thinking about this funny thing that happened to me the other day at work; this lady who’s sort of mental and always wide-eyed and freaking out about stuff loves to wear low-cut shirts and bend over at any opportunity so that her nipples are damn near on the floor. She did this right in front of me once and I held up my hand in front of my eyes and made a “I’m gonna barf” face.

I Will Never Call You On The Phone

… And I call this guy in Ireland and within five minutes I knew that he was a big perv because he started telling me that I have a sexy voice and asking me about sleeping with women and stuff.

I Was Masturbated At

Apparently some guy thought an awesome way to spend a Wednesday night was to hang out in the dark, pants down with wiener in hand, and wait for some girl to walk by so he can make a loud production out of touching his privates.

Watch This, It’s Gross

Towards the end of the video she even starts going “wheeeee!” Like it’s such fun. Like it’s a normal thing to do. To see these little puppies flying through the air, it’s mentally staining. It’s a brain stain.

Sorry About All the Change

I’m alive, and I’ve only thought about robbing someone like once or twice. The longer I go without money, and the more creature comforts I have to eliminate, the more I feel, well, superior to pretty much every one around me.

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