What Makes A Woman Sexy

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The other day I was watching Resident Evil and there was this scene where Milla Javavgavgsava (whatever her name is) was running in slow motion down a hallway in a long red dress (I think it was red, could have been white) simultaneously flipping her hair and cocking a gun and I was like, daaaaaaaaaamn. (wouldn’t it be funny if I just ended the post there?) Anyway, I was watching this scene and something, some little blood vessel or nerve in my brain popped out the thought “this is what a sexy lady should be like.” This thought led into a series of a lot of other thoughts on what exactly makes a lady sexy. I mean, on any given day I am flooded with images that give me lady boners, and yet if asked, I’m not sure I could really describe all of the elements that must be present in order for me, or I guess anyone, to look at something and be like “I would totally hit that.” Ewww, I’ve never used that expression before. I just tried it out and I don’t think I’ll be doing it again.

I’m gonna try to work it out here with you, as like a social exercise. What I’m going to do is list a few things that I think help to make a woman sexy, and then attempt to further analyze them. As I’m doing this, I’m waiting for it to stop raining so I can go to the bank. Ready, Here we gooooooooooo.

Seamed stockings

Upon dating someone new, I’m going to just start purchasing a few pairs of seamed stockings and being like, “please wear these whenever possible.” Some stockings look retarded, like if they are lace, or have some weird pattern, but if they are just simple stockings with a black seam running up the back of them, they will automatically up the babe factor of whoever’s wearing them. Why is this? It’s something having to do with the seam itself, like it in some way implies that the person wearing them might own a leather paddle. The seam is also like an arrow pointing upwards like, “hey, there’s a vagina up there.” I don’t know.

Hair flips

If a girl is just flipping her hair to get it out of her eyes, or out of her food or something, it doesn’t count. Sexy hair flips seem to be intentional. Some good examples are like if you’re walking with a girl and she gets up ahead of you a little bit, and then turns to look over her should and BAM does a hair flip. Or if you’re having sex and the girl is on top and flips her hair for some reason. It’s on purpose, right? How do you know how to do that so well? Is it practiced? Not sure why this is so effective. Probably because the hair flips are usually accompanied by sort of an intense facial expression, which gives off a vibe of confidence, and confidence is sexy.

That one was easy. I think I can say I successfully figured that one out.

Smoking Cigarettes

This is controversial and I know that a lot of people probably just read that and made some sort of barfing noise, or a general noise of distaste. However, I think it’s hot when girls smoke. As long as they don’t LOOK like they smoke. Do you know what I  mean? Like if they have yellow teeth and are real stinky, that’s no good. For me the ideal smoking lady looks like Jackie O and just lounges around all day in tight sweaters with a cig hanging from her well-manicured fingers. Why is this sexy? Smoking is obviously bad for you, and it really does make a person smell, BUT it also adds the perfect amount of “I don’t give no kind of shits” to a person’s attitude. You know? So what does that say? That I’m attracted to assholes? Pretty much.

There are a lot more, but this is a good start and I think we made some real progress. Scanning over what’s written here, I can conclude that I’m attracted to dramatic girls who may or may not work part time as stunt women in high budget action movies. You know, as you get older, the most important thing is getting to know yourself, and like, who you are and stuff. Thank you for helping me on this journey. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • Madison Moore

    YES! this is so cool. i think girls with coal on their eyes are REALLY sexy. and i like cocks!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.n.knutson Sarah N. Knutson

      *kohl.

  • KL

    Ew, smoking is not sexy, regardless of whether you're a man or woman.

    • Kelly McClure

      Sure it is.

      • Ghosty

        Maybe it’s just the sight of someone casually holding something that  looks like it’s just been on fire.

  • theyearofyou

    Hilarious. Thanks Kelly McClure. That being said, have you ever thought about how divided men and women can be on what they find sexy? The hair flip, however, can straddle both camps.

  • Sarah Grace

    I so agree with the smoking. Hard. It's why I'm so addicted to old hollywood movies. Fucking hot as fuck gahhhh! Honestly I think I'm going to scour the internet for those flavoured ciggarettes that aren't made of tobacco & don't cause cancer but look just like cigarettes (my mum used to have them when she was quitting the real thing lols). Fuck yes bring me back some old hollywood glamour~! & the seamed stockings!? Yes yes yes! Well technically I love all stockings (yes even lace yum lolitaaaa) but there is definitely something sexy about seamed stockings.

  • http://brennannovak.com brennannovak

    With ya on all counts, except for the cigarette one… I could take it or leave it. If a girl smoked, but I never had to smell it, or taste it… ok sexy.

    A big one for me is when a girl has nice shoulders and one collar bone / shoulder is uncovered and the other is covered- totally drives me wild. It looks like their clothes are stuck in a state of “undressing.” Also my mind races to the notion of my mouth kissing and my lips being on that shoulder… heaven.

    • Vanessa

      I agree with the nice shoulders and collar bone, I love when women wear those shirts that show one shoulder (for example the shirt Jennifer beals wears in flashdance ) yes just thinking about it gave me a boner…

      • timihendrix33

        so right about the one shoulder…oh man.

        The smoking thing is only sexy cause she added the bit about looking like they don't smoke. It can be extremely seductive when a hot chick smokes, as long as she doesn't appear to smoke like a chimney.

  • vanessa

    my ex loved it when I smoked. I don't do that much anymore but now my new gf is the one who smokes (a lot more than me) and gotta say…. it looks better on me hahahhaha no but for reals, it's sexy but it does stink

  • http://exitclov.tumblr.com exitclov

    Thank you for always taking us to that next level.

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Find the inclusion of smoking really really cringeworthy. Makes me uncomfortable. Thought that Thought Catalog was supposed to be (vaguely) intellectual. Imagined that a contributor would be able to see past to the semiotics and constructions that have taken place. Just seems bad. Detrimental or something.

    • Kelly McClure

      Totally

    • http://twitter.com/mik3cap Mike Caprio

      “Vaguely” being the operative word in the phrase “vaguely intellectual”. Maybe “hipster intellectual” but maybe that's an oxymoron?

    • halfling_rogue

      Opinions are just that, opinions. This is @Kelly's opinion of what makes women look sexy, and she did preclude it with:

      “This is controversial and I know that a lot of people probably just read that and made some sort of barfing noise, or a general noise of distaste. However, I think it’s hot when girls smoke.”

      As a warning that you may disagree with the wordage coming up. What would be detrimental would be not including something that she felt on the subject. Personally, I more see “Thought Catalog,” as a forum for creative writing, and as one of the criterion of creative writing in Mary Lee Marksberry's 'Foundation of Creativity' is defined as:

      “3. The need for free individual expression which contributes to mental and physical health.”

      I believe that @Kelly would have been doing herself an injustice if she did not include the smoking passage in anticipation of a little bit of controversy.

      -Wiggums

  • ekibyou

    abunai.

    • Kelly McClure

      You got that right.

      • comediez

        You gonna cry? Big baby.

      • Kelly McClure

        I choose to express my feelings in more direct ways, such as not hiding behind anonymous comments left on Internet posts. I'm sorry your life is sad :(

        It'll get better for you some day. Let me know how I can help.

      • Popdatshist

        Er, what? Fill us in on this unfolding or already flat drama?

  • http://www.howtomingle.com parker lee

    right you are my lovely (:

  • http://www.thedailyawe.com Lindsay

    Do you read Effing Dykes? She posted about the lesbian/smoking thing a few posts back. Here:

    http://effingdykes.blogspot.co

  • sloppysoup

    “i don't give no kinds of shits”
    luv it

  • Melissa

    Hair Flips, Seamed Stockings, Smoking, these are things that are sexy because they would perpetrated by someone with confidence.
    Seamed stockings have always been sexy to me because I first saw them on Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot. From then on, I pledged to acquire some, but only when I was at my most sassy and confident.

  • Michaelroddgers

    Interesting article.  This article explain on which way a women looking so gorgeous in casual wearing. A  above picture of actress is from the resident evil. She is looking  gorgeous in this red dress and in movie.
    online casino

  • writeinonballot

    i have an afro and am therefore unable to “flip” my hair. But i’m sexy, nevertheless ;) 

  • http://paintwithwords.tumblr.com leah

    even if a girl holding a cigarette doesn’t ‘look’ like she smokes, chances are good she smells like an ashtray. makes the image unappealing. blech

  • Socratesadams

    ylajali

  • Socratesadams

    ylajali

  • person

    ^^^^ samer:(

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