How I Plan On Spending Christmas Day

So listen, I’m sure you can find about one million things on the Internet, or other places, about how to best go about spending the upcoming holidays when you’re alone. Most of them will probably say something about buying a shit ton of ice cream, and watching Uncle Buck, and that’s great, because I will pretty much agree that that’s a fantastic idea and tell you to do the same thing. However, this is not about what YOU should do if you’re alone for the holidays, because I don’t even know who you are, and frankly, can’t be bothered. This is what I’m doing. If you decide to follow in my footsteps, I support your decisions, but just try not to do these things at the same time because then we’d basically be doing them “together,” and not be alone anymore, which is the whole point.

Okay, so I already know that I won’t be working on Christmas day. If you have a job that requires you to work on Christmas day, you should quit. Working on Christmas day is basically like saying that you’ve given up on trying to fill your life with fun and treats, and are basically just killing time before you can lay down and die somewhere. The main thing, like my ultimate goal for CD (aka, Christmas Day) is to not leave the house at all. I probably won’t even get dressed. To prep for this, I’m gonna go to these two places and stock up on supplies ahead of time.

Honestly, if I have a full day to myself where I don’t have anything to do and nowhere to be, my main activity will be stuffing my face with some sort of chocolate/peanut butter combo while farting around on the Internet. It brings me an intense joy that would take me a really long time to adequately describe. I’m basically Liz Lemon, and I’m fine with that.

While stuffing my face on CD, I’ll probably spend a great deal of time on the Internet. Being on the Internet is the most fun ever. I don’t care if it’s cool to say “go outside and smell a tree,” or, “It’s nice outside, why stay cooped up inside on the computer?” All I have to say to things like this is: “Because I’m a grown ass woman and I can do whatever the eff I want, retard.”

So yeah, the Internet has everything. You should go there on CD, while eating snacks. I would recommend you start with this clip of Ryan Gosling reading posts from the Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling Tumblr. It’s a full-circle of amazingness.