7 Things Only People Who Live Alone Understand

Helder Almeida / (Shutterstock.com)
Helder Almeida / (Shutterstock.com)

1. Everything is your doing.

The only thing stopping you from painting the walls is a security deposit and free time. Those dirty dishes in the sink? Yours. The tacky pillow assortment on the couch? That’s yours, too. The broken A/C you swear you’ll get fixed soon but haven’t yet? Yep, it’s your own damn fault. You live alone! Everything the light touches is yours. That that may feel a bit overwhelming at times, but at least it’s your mess.

2. Clothing optional, always.

Weekends, days off, and especially coming right home from work—peace out, clothing. When there’s no one around to glimpse the goods there’s no point to wearing pants. Of course you know every window angle and the best time of day to strut in the buff (or scantily clad) without attracting outside attention. Unless that’s what you’re into.

3. Talking loudly to yourself is fantastic.

Not just in the bathroom. Every room. With no one around to eavesdrop on your one-sided conversations, you’ll loudly talk about everything from what to buy at the grocery store…to who should REALLY win the Best Picture Oscar…to how difficult the client was at work today.

4. Locking yourself out could cost you.

With no roommate around you’ve become closer with your landlord and neighbors because, well, that’s whom you’ll call when the keys were in the other purse/pants. And if they’re not around to come with the original set of keys, you’re tossing money onto the Money Fire for a locksmith.

5. Pets are your roommates.

They don’t pay rent and mooch food from you all the time, but hot damn are they the best company or what? Oh, and great listeners. Pets keep the deepest sensations of loneliness away with their constant need to be cared for, played with, and loved. Especially loved.

6. You can do anything.

In the time you’ve spent living alone you’ve become very competent taking care of all that surrounds you…to some degree. Professional help is nice, but in time you’ve learned how to successfully unclog toilets, make minor plumbing fixes, open lids, put out grease fires, and kill every type of common household insect because if you don’t, no one else will. No one else will come and save you from small incidents around the home. This is also a fact for life in general.

(Protip: The secret to killing a big fat cockroach is a glass, a sturdy piece of paper, and wildly waving your arms around, screaming, after funneling it live into the garbage disposal.)

7. When it gets too lonely, you can change that.

It’s nice to sit in peace and quiet with just your thoughts, but when the silence becomes too much it’s time to text the friends. Inviting people over or visiting others satiates the need to feel connected and social. Have we learned nothing from The Sims? Even when the friends are all too busy there’s always a noisy public place to visit, be it a bar, grocery store, club, public transportation, or shopping mall. And if all that doesn’t work, you know there’s always the option of moving out. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I cope with existence in Los Angeles and will be your Internet Guide for the day. I hope you brought a snack.

Keep up with Kelly on kellyegan.com

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