Five hours after a flood of tears, you still feel the ache of sadness. Your teardrops linger like ghosts of memories past, haunting you as you stroke your still-damp cheeks. Your muscles creak and groan as if all life has escaped your body, leaving you wholly depleted. And your head burns no matter how you try to plaster on a smile and feign happiness. It’s as if your entire being has outwitted you in your attempt to feel any semblance of happiness.
Your mind remains cloudy, lost in a sea of stormy thoughts. Living no longer seems to be the answer when life feels so painfully unbearable. You crave sleeping, illness, even death — anything to tear you apart from the thoughts that roar through you and the feelings that overwhelm you. And the moment you awaken from the hours of rest that feel like seconds, you feel numb in body and spirit. Your body feels leaden, you have no desire to move, and nothing seems to ignite joy in your heart. You worry that you’re destined to slog through life forever.
The truth is, you may live with this ache — this unmitigated longing — for a while, but it won’t always feel this painful. One day, you’ll discover that for the first time in a long time, you no longer crave isolation. On another beautiful day, you’ll find yourself absentmindedly singing again or cherishing the feeling of the breeze against your skin or smiling at the Christmas lights that make the neighborhood homes look cozy and inviting. You’ll still struggle with the what-ifs, the desire to plunge into the darkness, but someday, you’ll discover a glimmer of light that makes you feel hopeful again.
Today, you believe that you’ve sunk to the depths of your sadness, never to claw your way out. You feel that you’re hanging onto life itself by a delicate thread, a fragile lifeline that could break at any moment and send you spiraling into the darkness. Your mind may convince you that escaping life is the answer — that you can find all you seek in a high, the bottom of a bottle, an indelible, blistering mark on your skin, or even death itself. But as you contemplate permanently altering your life to match your raging emotions, remember the glimmers of light in your past — the signs that kept you moving forward.
Remember the light because at the end of the day, darkness isn’t all that remains for you. You were made for more — more life, more hope, more happiness. And now, in your profound emptiness, let the promise of days to come — the truth that you will someday feel happier — guide you into the light you seek.