We gazed up at the stars, a magnificent glimmering mess of light billions of miles above, inextricably connected yet profoundly uneasy.
And I split my heart open, hoping you’d catch the pieces.
I told you that I felt inadequate. That I might not be good enough for you. I put so much stock in the meaning of the universe, the promise that in that moment, we belonged to each other alone, that I wished I was heaven-sent.
It was then that you looked away from the kaleidoscope of stars and into my eyes. You told me that you believe that life is inherently chaotic, that there’s no reason or timing to the universe. That we weren’t brought together by fate, we were simply together. That I don’t need to become some sort of destined, immaculate being to receive your love — that you love me as I am.
All my life, I’ve sought order and reason, even as my emotions overwhelmed me. But maybe you’re right — maybe I should set aside my insecurities and no longer assume that our love belongs to the fate of the universe alone. Maybe there is no rhyme or reason to the day we met, no perfect partner made just for us, no reason to cave to our insecurities. Maybe we’re a blissfully happy accident — a coincidence that arrived out of nowhere, a shot in the dark that blindly struck the target.
We’ve survived the chaos beautifully, remaining faithful when life separates us, taking each twist and turn day by day, living in tandem with the wild world that somehow tethers us together, learning not to question the unexplainable. We’ve accepted the unacceptable, not with resignation but instead with undying hope that our love will carry us to the end even when the stars will not.
We’ll watch the world dizzyingly swirl around us in its sheer unpredictability and still hold each other close. We’ll give thanks that we’re no longer tempted to wait for a sign to seal our union, that we can place our own intuition first instead of succumbing to the desire to rely on destiny.
And we’ll celebrate that because we’re unbridled lovers, no longer bonded to the will of the universe alone, we no longer feel pressure to sweep each other off our feet in one fell swoop. We can connect without reservation, sharing our deepest secrets, showing our true colors, consciously choosing love without ruminating over divine intervention.
As I fell for you, I wholeheartedly believed that something far beyond us brought us together. But that night, as we sat under a disorderly array of bright stars, I realized that love is perfect in its chaos. We may not know how or why our love blossomed, we may have struggled together when the world threatened to break us apart, but maybe the why of our love doesn’t matter. As the stars scattered across the sky, we remained by each other’s sides, imperfect but carefree. We admired the celestial bodies above but refused to listen to their call because our love is the happiest accident.