I Look At You And Suddenly, I’m 20 Again

man and woman kissing on pool table
Niki Sanders / Unsplash

I look deep into your eyes; brimming with warmth and kindness, and suddenly, I’m 20 again.

I’m guarding my shattered heart again; cementing each brick with impeccable precision, filling each crack until I am untouchable.

But I cannot seem to speak the piercing pain you invoke, the dormant rumble of words unspoken brimming over me like a tearful river.

I’m conjuring an image of perfection again; feigning the impossible with undaunted poise and otherworldly lust for life.

But I wallow in the feelings of inadequacy you provoke, the mounting tide of secrets and lies threatening to drown me until only the truth remains.

I’m dimming down my spirit again; winnowing myself away to avoid the torrent of emotions that unremittingly invades my heart.

But I long to believe the words you spoke, the ocean of promises poised to stifle my self-perception until I believe myself worthy.

I’m praying not to cry again; holding my struggles deep inside my racing heart until a rain of peace washes over me.

But I struggle against the feelings you awoke, the storm of repressed tears threatening to fall from my unsuspecting eyes.

I’m holding every piece of myself together again; stitching together a tangle of infallible illusions until they combust.

But I struggle against the shield you broke, the sea of truth that screams to emanate from my being as I fight to suppress the storm within.

I’m longing to be discovered again; pushing a web of jumbled thoughts into your mind until you’ve cracked the code to my heart.

But I battle against the truths you stroke; the stream of words I long to repress as I confront my inner demons.

I look deep into your eyes; brimming with warmth and kindness, and suddenly, I’m 20 again. I’m swimming against a current of fear; falling into an unfathomable pit of words unspoken.

But maybe, you are the only one who can pull me out. TC mark

Kelly Douglas

Lives for red lipstick, high heels, 80's pop, cats, and Oxford commas.

Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again

Nothing scares me more than someone loving me one day and deciding they don’t want me the next. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.

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