I Look At You And Suddenly, I’m 20 Again

man and woman kissing on pool table
Niki Sanders / Unsplash

I look deep into your eyes; brimming with warmth and kindness, and suddenly, I’m 20 again.

I’m guarding my shattered heart again; cementing each brick with impeccable precision, filling each crack until I am untouchable.

But I cannot seem to speak the piercing pain you invoke, the dormant rumble of words unspoken brimming over me like a tearful river.

I’m conjuring an image of perfection again; feigning the impossible with undaunted poise and otherworldly lust for life.

But I wallow in the feelings of inadequacy you provoke, the mounting tide of secrets and lies threatening to drown me until only the truth remains.

I’m dimming down my spirit again; winnowing myself away to avoid the torrent of emotions that unremittingly invades my heart.

But I long to believe the words you spoke, the ocean of promises poised to stifle my self-perception until I believe myself worthy.

I’m praying not to cry again; holding my struggles deep inside my racing heart until a rain of peace washes over me.

But I struggle against the feelings you awoke, the storm of repressed tears threatening to fall from my unsuspecting eyes.

I’m holding every piece of myself together again; stitching together a tangle of infallible illusions until they combust.

But I struggle against the shield you broke, the sea of truth that screams to emanate from my being as I fight to suppress the storm within.

I’m longing to be discovered again; pushing a web of jumbled thoughts into your mind until you’ve cracked the code to my heart.

But I battle against the truths you stroke; the stream of words I long to repress as I confront my inner demons.

I look deep into your eyes; brimming with warmth and kindness, and suddenly, I’m 20 again. I’m swimming against a current of fear; falling into an unfathomable pit of words unspoken.

But maybe, you are the only one who can pull me out. TC mark

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