I Don’t Know What I Did To Deserve Your Love

couple looking at each other while holding hands
John Schnobrich / Unsplash

I don’t know what I did to deserve your love.

You shower me in kindness, envelop me in affection, douse me in love. You cherish me wholeheartedly, accepting every weathered piece of my soul without reservation, admiring my faults, adoring my imperfections. In your eyes, I am flawless; a living embodiment of perfection, majestic, regal, undeniably rare.

Your genuineness rings true; your sweet nothings are laden with meaning. You refuse to sequester yourself from your feelings; to conceal your innermost thoughts under a thick veil of self-doubt. Your words are passionate, heartfelt, carefree, the uninhibited bursts of adoration for which my heart pines. You share yourself fully, freely, without hesitance, drawing me into you, opening me up bit by bit as alluring appellations escape your lips.

What did I do to deserve your love, your affection, your sincerity?

I relentlessly wrack my mind to discover any discernible clue to your love for me, the key to your heart’s deepest desires. I compare myself against the women who have loved and lost you, wondering why I’m so special in your eyes. I imagine you losing yourself in their shining eyes and radiant smiles, caressing their impeccably soft skin, savoring their crimson lips, but I emerge from my thoughts still longing for answers, wishing I fully knew your heart.

I don’t know what I did to deserve your love. 

I’m no more remarkable than the women who left you broken-hearted. My skin reddens without warning, my hair tangles without remorse, my legs contort in an impossibly complicated fashion. You leave me breathless, feverish, hopelessly inarticulate as I fail to adequately express the unbreakable grasp you have on my heart. I am intimately acquainted with twinges of jealousy, unyieldingly prone to competition, unfailingly unwilling to compromise my ambition, and yet, you choose to love me as if I am the only woman you see.

What have I done to deserve your love?

Perhaps, you love me simply because I am human; vulnerable, raw, prone to the follies and foibles of this life. Perhaps, you’ve discovered that I am a glaringly imperfect reflection of life itself; fragments of beauty and pain stitched into one. Perhaps, you adore the beauty in my brokenness, my unwavering, unapologetic tenderness. Perhaps, you recognize that even the most fractured souls deserve love.

I doubt I will ever feel that I truly deserve your unquenchable, passionate love. I wonder if I will eternally question whether I merit your adoration. But for now, I will lay my heart to rest in yours, blissfully savoring your powerful high, trusting that I will always be worthy enough to receive your love. TC mark

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