This Is Me Finally Allowing Myself To Be Seen

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Timothy Paul Smith / Unsplash

What does it feel like to be truly seen?

What does it really feel like to stand naked, to bare the most intimate moments of our lives, to lay open in our vulnerability, allowing the world to either love us and support us or to pity us and cast judgment on us?

I don’t know.

Because for too long, I have hidden, like the rest of us, behind the veils of mystery.

It has been easier to stay quiet, to act ‘normal’, to keep my most vulnerable self hidden away, to reserve my most intimate thoughts and pains for those who I trust most, sometimes.

I feel protected and safe within the compartments of my heart because unless I allow it, no one can enter.

Acquaintances and neighbors can only make assumptions about who I am, how I feel and what I do, and that is not threatening to me. These opinions are based only on what they perceive to know, not truth. I am protected by that reality. It’s easy to shrug off their judgment, to not care what others think when they don’t really know who I am.

What terrifies me is bearing my soul, openly and honestly, standing naked, and allowing them to form opinions on my truth. Much of what we carry in our life is never shared.

Because it’s easier and safer to shine brightly in our light than it is to dive into the depths of our shadows and share them with the world.

In a society that tells how to act, how to feel, how to succeed, how to look, how to be loved, how to be hated, how to fail, how to everything, we are shackled to limitations.

We hide, we cower, we act within the constraints of the boxes that are deemed tolerable and acceptable. We live lives that on the surface seem idyllic and rich, and perhaps they are. But deep beneath the layers of our existence are the many unrealized dreams we still carry, the many experiences that have shattered us, and the many truths that we choose to burry— because it’s easier.

But is it easier? Or perhaps it’s heavy and we’re tired.

As we hide, we look out to the world and either love or cast judgment on those around us.

Yet, our judgments are merely reflections of what we hold within. What triggers us so deeply, what causes us to react to situations and to people, is likely rooted in our own vulnerabilities and stifling confinements.

Ironically, seeing people so proudly and regularly post selfies makes me cringe from the inside out.

It’s not the friends getting together to share a drink and a moment. It’s not the airport departures with big smiles and announcements of grand adventures. It’s not even the new short bobs or ombre-colored locks that reveal a new fresh glow. It’s the individual and regular snapshots of faces and full bodies from people who seemingly love the way they look in that moment and are called to share it openly with the world.

But my loathing has nothing to do with them— the fact that I perceive the self-focused selfies as attention-seeking or vain is not for them to carry.

Instead, this has everything do with all that I keep within. This all stems back to my own resistance to be purely vulnerable, to be openly seen.

All of that is changing.

I am forging a new path, openly sharing my heart and everything that it carries.

So, here are I am world— love me, judge me, or cast your opinions on me.

I am ready to lift my veil and to be seen. TC mark

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