1. Everyone gives you “the eye”
So you went a little too hard during Thursday night happy hour. Rather than waking up well rested in your bed at home, you’re in an apartment in Brooklyn with your makeup caked on, your hair in disarray, wearing the same work clothes as yesterday.
You slept for about 3 hours total, the smell of vodka and olives is still on your breath, and now it’s time to go to work. No matter how desperately you try to clean yourself up, you walk into the office and immediately get that look from everyone. The what-the-fuck-happened-to-her look. The is-she-seriously-hungover look. No one knows how to broach the subject and ask about your night, so they just stare disapprovingly.
2. Or else they ask if you’re feeling okay
If you’re not getting ogled at, you’re being asked if you feel “okay.” Usually the older, more naïve employees ask this while the younger ones understand what that queasy look on your face means.
“Are you sick?” “You look so tired today!” “Is everything alright?” “Aww what’s wrong?” Nothing’s worse than thinking you look presentable, and then having every single person who walks by stop in their tracks to check on you due to your appearance.
3. You order Seamless about 5 times in an hour
Normally, your coworkers see you enjoy a simple, light breakfast. Maybe you’ll bring a granola bar with you, you’ll make a cup of tea, you’ll daintily sip on your Starbucks iced coffee and pick at your vegan muffin.
But when you’re hungover, especially at work, all bets are off. A bacon egg and cheese with a large black coffee is promptly delivered to you. You eat it in three bites, hunched over your desk, licking the grease off of your fingertips. You stand at the water cooler and down cup after cup like you just trekked across the Sahara. And then an hour later, you order another. By the time it’s actually your lunch hour, the delivery guy knows you by name.
4. You don’t know if you should drink more to avoid the full hangover
Your head is pounding, your mouth is dry, and your eyes can’t focus on anything on your computer screen. So you start thinking of how to cure it. You’re about to take your break and you’re seriously debating having a stiff drink. Maybe getting a little tipsy again will help diminish the horrible feelings you have from the hangover. Maybe the afternoon will be more bearable to get through. At that point, anything will work.
I mean hey, you already smell like alcohol, right?
5. The clock stops working
The sound of the phone ringing is like taking needles to the eyes. You want to choke out the lady with the obnoxiously high-pitched voice who won’t shut up behind you. You pretend to click and type away on your computer, as busy as can be, yet you’re only concentrating on not throwing up. Six more hours, you tell yourself, I can do this. I can make it through this day. I’ve been more hungover than this and I survived.
You pep yourself up, pull that greasy hair back in a ponytail, and suffer through. Then you glance at the clock after what seems like an eternity. Wait, five hours and fifty-eight minutes!?! By the time you reach 5:00, it feels as though you died and came back to life 12 different times.