I like to think of myself as a very kind, even-tempered person. There’s definitely some anger brewing deep down within me but that doesn’t make me a permanently bitter bitch. There are a few things in life that can really set me off, and a few of these occur while driving. I commute about an hour each day and over time I have become increasingly enraged at the stupidity and ignorance of other drivers. Segue into my rant…
1. People who sit in the left lane
I had to start with this one, because these people are the absolute WORST. I could run these people off the road, watch their car explode in my rearview mirror, and not feel sorry in the least bit. If you’re going to sit in the left lane, GO. The slowest you should go in the fast lane (hence the word fast) is 78mph. If you’re going slower than this, move the fuck over. That simple. What I can’t STAND is when a car is sitting there going 70mph, completely oblivious to the line of people moving to the middle lane to get around them. Do you really not notice? Do you just not care you’re causing an inconvenience? What’s the point of sitting in the fast lane when you’re not going fast? There are two other lanes for you to cruise along in! Just don’t be such an idiot where you completely ignore the people flying by you on your right side and going back in front of you again. Even if I’m going 80mph and a car starts approaching me from behind, I let him pass by and then if necessary, I’ll move back over. These people shouldn’t be driving because they’re in their own little worlds. I hate them SO MUCH. My blood is boiling just thinking about it.
2. People who speed up once you pass them
This is annoying, and can also be a little awkward. Someone will be going slow, but once you start passing them, they’ll speed up. So begins the awkward dance or either putting the pedal to the medal and putting some distance between the two of you, or having to slow down significantly enough so you’re not riding alongside them. It’s like they can’t stand the thought of someone going faster or getting somewhere quicker than them.
3. People who don’t use their blinker
You know when you’re just cruisin’ along behind someone, and with no warning whatsoever, they slam on their brakes and turn into a driveway or parking lot? Yeah, I hate them too. Like seriously, you can cause an accident. It’s a simple flick of the wrist. How did you get your license not using blinkers? How do you forget to use it when it’s literally the ONE THING letting people around you know when you’re turning? OR, I’ll be waiting to pull out of a parking lot… a car is approaching… it’s taking forever… OMG just get here already so I can go… OH WAIT. You’re turning into the parking lot I’m trying to leave. Thank you for making me wait because you don’t know how to use the complicated device in your vehicle that is inconveniently attached to your steering wheel. You’re not Will Smith in I Am Legend driving around empty streets where no one gives a shit where you’re turning or when. I never, ever say this, but with these people… I can’t even.
4. People who are blatantly texting
It’s surprising that I catch many more adults doing this than the younger generation. Maybe it’s because young people have mastered texting and driving so they’re quick, efficient, and discreet. It’s a horrible thing to do, I know, but seriously (older guys & gals) just stop. I’ll be passing someone in the left lane, glance to my right, and see them with one hand on the wheel, one hand holding up their phone, moving their eyes slowly back and forth from the screen to the road. At least pretend like you’re not doing the illegal thing that you’re doing. Or wait until you’re not going 75mph on a highway. I do admit I’m guilty of occasionally reading and responding to a text while driving (more so at a stoplight) but these people are just dumb. They’re lane drifters. They brake for no reason. They’ll go super slow so they can finish reading a text before speeding up again. They sit there well after the stoplight changes. Meanwhile, they’re surrounded by other vehicles that can brake or swerve in a split second. If anyone ever rear-ended me because they were looking down at their phone too long, I’d run them over.
5. Not giving the ‘thank you’ wave
Okay, this obviously doesn’t give me road rage, per se. But it really, REALLY bugs me when you’ll go out of your way to stop traffic and let someone make that left turn, and they don’t acknowledge your simple act of kindness. You always have to give the universal, “Hey, I see you, thanks so much” wave. People who don’t do this piss me off. I could’ve driven right by you like every other asshole going to where they need to be, and you would’ve had to wait another three minutes for a break in both lanes of traffic, but I was kind. And you just suck.
6. People who wash their windshields on the highway
Once again, this isn’t exactly something that makes me seethe with anger. But it is annoying when you’re driving behind someone on the highway, and they wash their windshield, and it ALL comes spraying back onto your windshield. Which makes you have to wash your own windshield. And then that sprays onto the person behind YOU. Endless cycle of inconsideration.
7. People who drive exactly the speed limit
I’m not a cop. I’m not going to pull you over. I’m sure a cop wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if you were going a tad over the limit. And I’m not trying to sound like the cool girl trying to talk a nerd into smoking pot, but c’mon, everyone does it. For the love of God, if the speed limit says 30, PLEASE DON’T GO 30. When was the last time anyone ever travelled at 30mph anyway? Can you even GET anywhere going that slow? I just don’t understand these people. They act like a speedometer is attached to every tree, guard rail, mailbox, biker, and building they pass.
8. People who slow down to look at accidents
This probably should have been #2 because whenever people do this, I’m screaming in my car. You know how you’ll suddenly hit traffic on the highway, and everything is moving super slow? And you think, what the hell, why did this happen? And you’re inching along and you finally see blinking lights of cops and ambulances and the works. But wait a second, they’re on the shoulder. They aren’t blocking a single lane. But then once you pass the accident, everyone is ZOOMING along like nothing ever happened. You know why you were forced to slow down? It wasn’t because of the cops, or the paramedics, or the dazzling lights. It was because everyone had to slow down and look. “OMG, what happened?” “Are they okay?” “Did anyone die?” “How bad is the car?” “Where did they get hit?” “Is it totaled?” “Whose fault do you think it was?” “Is that someone in a stretcher?” “That’s gonna be expensive to fix!” Shut. Up. And. Go.