There are so many rules imposed on getting over a relationship that it’s pretty easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong. People try and jurisdict how you should grieve or how long it should take you to get over it. Oh my god, the last person you were with was your ex? Don’t you think it’s time to move on?
At the end of the day, only you can designate how and when you’re ready to move on, but it’s important not to forget who your relationship made you. If you keep re-reading the same chapter of a book then you may never realize how goddamn brilliant and exciting the rest of the story is, and when you can finally bring yourself to turn the page, you don’t just forget the chapter because every word is important to your story.
We lose ourselves; somewhere in the anguish and grief and heartbreak we forget our value. The value that somewhere down the line, our relationship gave us.
I admire and envy women (or anyone) who can be empowered by themselves, but some people cannot find that confidence boost from within. People tell you not to put your worth in a partner or validate yourself by your relationship status, but to be loved, truly loved, makes you feel invincible.
It doesn’t hurt so much to look in the mirror and hate who’s staring back at you because someone loves that very same image. Your existence feels that little bit more important because someone else’s would fall apart without it. You can be alone in a room filled with people, ignored by all but one and it’s okay because that one is in awe of you like Michelangelo painted you on the Sistine Chapel ceiling himself. And like hell should we forget that.
To be abandoned by someone you love will most likely create a sense of ‘not being good enough.’ At some point and you forget all the things they admired about you, all the things that have always made you an exquisite and celestial person, and for some reason, you feel like you need someone else to point that out again in order for you to believe it.
But those things haven’t changed, they haven’t gone away. Remember that.
Unless your partner was a cheating, abusive asshole, keep your relationship as the homage to what you deserve. What you deserve to feel. Chances are they made you feel good about yourself at some point and you shouldn’t forget that anymore than you should cling onto the past. What’s so wrong about feeling that little bit more beautiful?
The human psyche can numb us to spare us from the intense grief of loss and when you feel nothing for so long, it’s so important to be remind of all the things that make us feel alive, that give us humanity: love and passion and intimacy and sex and obsession and pain and anguish and grief and loss and the purest form of sadness that courses through our pain like blood.
Be empowered by your heartbreak and never let go of the person they made you, because chances are, in the long run, you’re a hell of a lot better because of it.