Why Your Obsession With The Perfect Relationship Is Sabotaging Your Chance At Love

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“8 Reasons Why Real Men Would Never Cheat”
“10 Qualities Every Man Wants in His Girlfriend”
“What Men Really Mean When They Call You Cute, Sexy, or Beautiful”
“15 Things Mature Women Don’t Do In a Relationship”
“6 Signs He’s a Real Man”
“10 Signs That Tell You She is the One”
“9 Signs You’re With a Real and Faithful Man”
“10 Relationship Mistakes All Guys End Up Making”
“If She does These 10 Things Marry Her“
“11 Things Every Guy Expects From a Relationship”
“7 Ways to Know if Your Man Truly Loves You”


Overwhelming, I know. But let those titles sink in for a second. Fact: these are all legitimate articles found on the internet, out of millions like it. Take away what you want from these, but I take away frustration – if we could stop writing articles about what makes a real boyfriend, and about what love has to feel like or it’s not real, that would be great.

Because no, your perfect guy may not be the same guy that compliments my personality, and your love may not feel like my love. He doesn’t really need to do all these things for him to like you or to have good intentions, and we don’t have to give them rules on how to behave and act in a relationship. And no, every guy doesn’t have to have an ultimatum.

When you stop to think about what we’re doing to the men of this world, you begin to realize how we’re setting standards for them and telling them what they can and cannot do when they like a woman.

And if they don’t, then they fail and she is told to leave, to turn away from her heart and end it because he’s not good enough for her. It doesn’t matter how right they feel together; she needs to open up and believe that there is someone perfect for her.

But perfect is an illusion. Something so beautiful can last if the two people want it to. When a love fails, it’s not because the guy doesn’t always open every door for his girl or doesn’t send good morning and goodnight texts, or even run out and buy her chocolates and Disney movies every month when she’s on her period. No, what’s meant to be will find a way, and if not, it wasn’t meant to be.

Nostalgic Valentine’s Day cards and broken hearts don’t always mean that he wasn’t the real man that could have stayed, but instead could mean that he wasn’t the one you’re supposed to stay with. Any articles or songs that tell you what you guys had wasn’t real love because you didn’t feel exactly this way or you guys never did that, are wrong for making you look back on your memories through a different filter and distorting your heart.

Sometimes, having everything there isn’t enough. Your relationship could be perfect and so full of love, but not last. Because that’s life. It’s not what he did or didn’t do, or even that you didn’t get this exact feeling when you two were dating. Anything that tells you otherwise should be ignored. Just because those romantic texts didn’t happen 24/7 or all of those chick-flicks weren’t 100% relatable doesn’t mean shit; all it signifies is that something just didn’t work out. Your love is still real though. I cannot stress that enough.

These standards we are putting on dating these days – while entertaining in the form of memes and Instagram posts – are not realistic for the majority of people.

In the end, all we’re doing is lumping the whole of men together and saying “you need to treat your girl THIS way, and only this way, or not she will not stay because the world told her you don’t deserve her.” Do you see what kind of pressure we apply to the male species? We’ve started an unfortunate trend that’s hard to break by comparing the incomparable – each other’s love lives.

Despite all these false expectations, love is real, I promise you. I know because I loved a boy, and not like every love song on the radio or every article on the Internet, but with the kind of love I had; the kind of love we gave each other. We didn’t always follow those “relationship goals,” but above all? It was still kind of perfect. And you know what else? It just didn’t work out in the end.

But it’s 2016 and the world is thriving with change. So let’s do each other a favor and stop telling people what they should feel, and that if they feel any different then they’re wrong. Like the great Lin-Manuel Miranda said, “love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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