How To Forgive Even When You Don’t Want To

Admittedly, I’m not at all a huge people person. But when I build relationships among people, I connect whole-heartedly. I hate the idea of losing people, despite of it being a part of the process of growing up, though I may have cut some off. I guess not everyone deserves to have a place in my life because I have to make room for others. Because I can’t be stuck in the same room, with the same people.

Because we live in a massive world with things yet to be discovered, with another company. Because not everyone we forgive are meant to stay forever. But for some reason, there’s still those who have done us wrong yet we still choose to forgive, make them stay, because we wish to seek the fascinating treasures of this world with them. Prior to this, of course, is dragging yourself to the road of acceptance no matter how deep the wound they may have caused us.

Being an only child, I grew up becoming sensitive because I’m not sure how to properly deal with people. Though I don’t find it difficult, I also don’t find socializing easy. I’m afraid I might hurt them in some way because I’ve got no clue on how to keep them. But I also expect them to return the favor. We’ve all been brought up differently but the value of putting yourself in other people’s shoes should be the commonality among all.

The sad truth is that, this isn’t always the case. Some will offend us, some will hurt us. Worst case scenario? Nothing will be heard from them afterwards. It’s as if they meant what they did… but I’d like to think they weren’t conscious of their offense, because I wouldn’t want to destroy the perfect image of people in my head – all kind-hearted and with clean intentions. I also wouldn’t want to hold a grudge forever. It gets tiring. Waking up with a heavy heart gets exhausting. Being imprisoned in the cell of hatred becomes wearisome. It’ll be hard, who ever said it was easy, anyway?

Eventually, you’ll learn how to pick yourself up. You’ll soon realize that you won’t always be needing another hand to save yourself. You need to save yourself. You need to become your own hero. You need to free yourself from the hands of abhorrence. You need to be aware that in order to move on, you have to let go of those who keep on weighing you down. And while you’re at it, you also have to thank those who constantly make an effort to be in your life, including those who strive hard to prove themselves after damaging you.

Sorry? Not everyone knows how to apologize, so might as well learn how to forgive without hearing it. It takes time and a lot of courage to do so. However, forgiving doesn’t entail forgetting. Just like wounds that turn into scars, some instances will lie in our memories until the end of time. Because not all the time forgiveness would mean what happened was okay, sometimes it “means that you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go.”