This Is Me Holding On To The Uncertain Possibility Of Us

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Alex Holyoake / Unsplash

It started out gradually, we didn’t see it coming. Our worlds collided in the middle of something and before we knew it, we’re in each other’s orbit. I am out of words as to how we just clicked, it’s like finding myself in another one’s form but in a completely better version.

We have a lot in common, we share secrets like we made a pact of not telling anyone about it. You take me to places I’ve never been to when you tell me your stories, I get inspiration from your ideas and random thoughts, and we just purely connect without a doubt.

As time passes by, you unravel yourself little by little and I cannot stop myself from wanting more of you, of this, of us though at the back of my mind I know this is impossible, this is forbidden, and this is just uncertain.

We may not be able to admit it or say the right words but our hearts know the real thing going on. I badly want this to work out regardless of the hindrances that might come between us and I do believe that you feel the same way, too.

Yet we settled for less even though we both know this isn’t supposed to go like this, we can be more than this.

We can be something that we both want and not just something we’re forced to agree with, but unfortunately we choose to continue with how we began, how we do things the usual way; we enjoy the company of each other and prefer it that way until we just become contented with that, with what we have. We’re satisfied knowing that we got each other’s back and just let the feelings grow on its own.

It’s like I’m left without a choice on how we should take things or how we should be. To be honest, I’m even afraid; deep inside I’m scared to death that one day this will just fade away and you will suddenly slip away. Any time soon, this can all be gone and unknowingly, in a blink of an eye you can be snatched from my hand.

We’re a distance apart and that frightens me a lot, so close yet so far. I cannot stand the feeling of you being away from me, my mind isn’t ready yet to accept the fact that you might disappear in time to come. It’s not every day that we get the chance to see, feel, hear or talk to each other personally. We only have numbered hours and selected days to meet because admit it or not we’re both preoccupied by stuff that matters more.

We have our own lives to live—you do yours and I do mine. I won’t always be able to know what you’re up to, how you handle your life, and what are the special moments that I should witness in person.

I am too afraid of losing this connection between us, and more so, losing my same person, my best friend my safe haven, my only you. So I just played by the rules, I gambled on the situation, and I roll with the punches, if that simply means I’ll be able to keep you. I’ll risk the pain even though deep inside I want more, I want you, I want us to happen.

I choose to keep it this way, we choose to let this thing stay; no matter how hard it may seem for us to have a chance, no matter how messy, blurry or shady it can get, and no matter how near or far we are from each other, we still go on.

I may not know where we are heading and if luck will ever allow us to be together, but the one thing I’m sure of is that I will hold on to that flicker of hope I have inside. Yes, it’s impossible, but I will trust. Yes, it’s forbidden, but I’m ready to break the rule. And yes it’s uncertain, but I’m willing to take a leap of faith. TC mark

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