Someday The Pain You Feel Will All Make Sense

Woman closing her eyes and relaxing on a walk outside
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Everything hurts and it’s raining hard on you. It feels like your heart’s going to shatter any minute from now; your mind’s unsteady, eyes are about to shed tears again, and it’s all overwhelming. You don’t know what to do and you can’t seem to open up yourself to anyone, not even to your closest friends and family. Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay to let the pain through, because as what they said, “that’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.”

It requires you to be fully consumed by the hurt, to be bothered by the cause, and to be submerged in the agony. Because that’s how it should be—that’s how you deal with the ache that isn’t event welcome in the first place, the ache that breaks every part of you, the very same ache that stings sharply and exhaustively.

Feel it. Give in to it. Get lost to it.

Let it slowly creep in like an uninvited guest you cannot oust, just let it stay with you until it decided to leave on its own. Let the pain remind you that you’re only human: bound to feel anything, have an open wound that bleeds, and will eventually heal little by little.

You are vulnerable and no matter what you do to keep yourself from hurting, you will always and always encounter pain—it’s already part of life, like you are born with it. Something that you cannot hide away from.

But remember, as soon as you find yourself broken into pieces, lying on the bathroom floor, and rutted inside-out, you gotta make a choice. Either you remain there where you are or pick up the pieces and fix yourself.

No one’s gonna help you unless you help yourself. You are the only one who “got you.”

It may be hard to find peace during the storm but keep in mind that even the hardest one doesn’t last long. You need to feel the pain, you have to go through it but that doesn’t mean you gotta take care of it and love it. You need to do something to stand from within while clinging to the truth that whatever is weighing you down right now will subside in due time.

And just because it’s heartbreaking and the pain feels like forever, it doesn’t mean it will be there until the end. Yes, it’s kind of blurry and the meaning of all those sufferings aren’t obvious right now, but someday it will. Someday when everything’s clearer, when you figured things out, and you’re better than before, you will thank yourself that you chose not to give up.

Someday when you’re filled with gladness and awe, you will realize that you’ve been through rough skies to be able to experience the sunshine back into your life.

Someday when you wake up in the bedroom you thought you will not get out to, you will understand that you needed that hurt, you needed that tingling sensation that made you want to throw up because if not for it, you won’t be there waking up feeling good about yourself.

Someday when you’re with the people you cherished most, you will go back to that instance where you shut yourself from all of them and then you will be grateful that you willingly let them in and they didn’t fail you.

Look, “someday” may not be as near as you think of now, but you will be there, and once you’re there the pain you hold in, the tears you wept, the days you tried to survive, and the efforts you did to reclaim yourself will all be worth it. Hold on, just hold on. TC mark

yep, I am that girl with a guy’s name

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