This Is Me Slowly Releasing You, And Finding My Way Out

Unsplash / Tanja Heffner

“I’ve always been in love with you, I guess you’ve always known it’s true. You took my love for granted, why oh why, the show is over, say good-bye.”

— Take A Bow, Madonna

No, I am not doing this because I wanted to escape. No, I am not doing this because I couldn’t go on anymore; you know how badly I wanted us to work out. And no, I am not doing this because I didn’t love you; we both know that I loved you hard enough to hold on when I should have left in the first place.

I am doing this because I’ve had enough, I reached my limit, and there’s no reason for me to stay.

I thought we could make it happen one more time; I guess I was wrong. I fell in love with the idea of what we could’ve been without realizing that you weren’t the same. I became too blind from running back to you countless times; I should’ve opened my eyes the second you asked me to do it again. Foolishly, I gave you everything you need just to make you stay a little longer, thought it was real.

But it wasn’t.

You made me think that we had something serious going on, only to find out that we’re just playing around, wasting our time. Maybe few of the moments we had were true but mostly were just to pass the time and just for you to fill the emptiness you’re feeling inside.

You used me. You used me until there was nothing left of me but guilt, hurt and wrath―I am not this kind of person, but you made me so.

It’s like I was intentionally torn, my feelings were mocked and my whole being was wrecked because of you.

Letting you in after all the break ups and make ups gave way to a greater heartbreak that I wasn’t prepared for; I didn’t see it coming because I was blindfolded by your lies and sweet-talks.

Perhaps it was my fault to believe all of it. The evidence was already there, right in front of me, but I chose to avoid it because I am stupidly in love with you. How pathetic of me to think that you would change, that the story would go the other way around and that we could get another chance at a happy ending.

But now, instead of crying for you, I will quit grieving a love we never had.

I am done believing you.
I am done showing you that I care.
I am done loving you like I did before.
I am done trying to make you feel okay.
I am done putting all my efforts for you.
I am done telling you that I would always be here for you.

I am done with you and everything you put me through.

There’s no turning back this time, believe me when I say this. It’s all crystal clear now and I wouldn’t let you take that away from me. I have seen everything, heard a lot of facts and truths, and felt too much agony and devaluing―more than enough for me to leave and never open that door again.

You’re not worth it anymore. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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