Lately, I have been asking myself a lot of “whys.” Not only am I questioning myself, but other people’s actions and motives. No matter the question, it has all led me to answer in a reflective way toward myself.
Many times, I want the people in my life to aspire to my expectations or be something they’re not. If they don’t, it becomes a problem. In reality, this is not the other person’s problem but my own. Why? Why is it that we expect people to do what we want them to do and if they don’t, we become upset with them? Is it because we secretly envy that person being everything we are not? For example, I had friend who did something that I told her not to do. She not only did it once, but multiple times.
She apologized but from that day forward, I made the decision that my friendship with her would never be the same. When I reflect on why did her actions make me so upset, I cannot help but put my own self into question. What is it about my friend’s action that makes me so uncomfortable that I cannot work out my issue with her? As I answer my own question, I feel I owe her an apology for putting my standards on her. In that moment, she was just living her life for herself and not for other people. In the end, it is not my job or duty to judge her for that.
I cannot help but think about how I pretend to be this strong person yet I unconsciously still try to aspire to other people’s expectations of me. Maybe that is why I become offended if someone does not do the same for me. In some way, that person is being who they truly are and could care less what anyone thinks. Yet, I could never figure out why it upsets me to the point where I feel betrayed if someone goes against everything I say.
The truth is, what annoys or makes us angry about another person is just a reflection of ourselves that we have not dealt with yet. It is the reflection we tend to hide from so when we see it through other people, it becomes our job to judge them for it. Our job should be to love others which is only possible by learning to love ourselves and get rid of our own demons. If we look in the mirror, we will find the problems and the solutions to the issues we have with other people.