1. The topic is about something you never even wanted to know a single thing about, much less 13—and you’ll immediately forget ever reading it.
2. The writer of the listicle is not an expert on the subject, nor even mildly qualified to discuss the topic at hand.
3. The writer of the listicle attempts over and over to be funny and should never be allowed to write anything other than IKEA instruction booklets ever again.
4. There’s an arbitrary number of things on the list, depending on how long-winded and annoying the writer has decided to be.
5. The writer will make make giant leaps in logic and pretend like it’s sound.
6. All listicle writers are awful, boring people who punch puppies in the face as a hobby.
7. It will waste a number just to repeat itself with periods after each word for emphasis.
8. It. Will. Waste. A. Number. Just. To. Repeat. Itself. With. Periods. After. Each. Word. For. Emphasis.
9. Someone posted this click-bait garbage on your Facebook wall and you clicked on it because you’re a part of the problem and you should be ashamed.
10. You feel like you’re reading a really long fortune cookie.
11. By now you’re still reading the listicle, because it’s almost done and you’re not a quitter, but you very much regret your decision to read it, and it has become extremely arduous.
12. Everything in your life is shitty and you should find a more interesting job and better friends.
13. You say to yourself, “That’s so true!” and look around at an empty, lonely room.